


Truth or Dare

by wearethevampirates



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bye now, Castiel is gay, Destiel - Freeform, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Male Slash, Not really a slow burn, Self-Harm, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, i'll try to make it work, not sure how, ok enough tags, this is going to low key become a series somehow, who even reads these, you will not like me after this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2018-06-02 13:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6567409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wearethevampirates/pseuds/wearethevampirates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I took another shot before Crowley spoke. "Truth or dare" he asks. Immediately, I say, "Dare". Nope. Dean Winchester is not a wimp. Crowley eyes Alistair, probably for suggestions. Alastair's eyes widen and whispers something in his ear. I raise an eyebrow when Crowley breaks into a grin. "So?" I ask. "What is it?"</p>
<p>*I don't own any of the Supernatural characters so don't sue me!*</p>
<p>There's a quite a few plot twists if you're up for that sorta thing too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first Destiel fan fiction so go easy on me! Now that that's over with, let's get to the story shall we?

Dean's POV

I was running, not sure why but there was something behind me. Looking back, I notice that they are just...people. "You can't let them catch you," a voice in my head says. I listen to it, no idea why, just going with it. They're close, I can't feel it. But as soon as I thought they were going to get me, a huge truck came in, blasting rock music. More people came but this time, they weren't trying to get me. They hopped out of the truck and started shooting the others down. I took my chance to get the hell outta dodge. By the time night fell, which seemed a little too quick to me, I went out of my hiding place and decided to follow that voice in my head. It took me to an old, old house. Abandoned, yet familiar for some reason. Fumbling with things to help me with where I am. But, nothing. I notice a worn picture, a group photo, but one face in particular stood out, I have no idea why. "Castiel" the voice says. "Dean" says another voice. Different, more familiar. "Dean." Who the hell is in my head right now? I check my surroundings. No one. "Dean!!"

 

My eyes snap open as I feel this weight on me. Sam. "Can't. Breathe." I say, fake choking. He punches me on the arm, sliding off. I chuckle and ask, "What do you want? It's like 7:40 in the morning." Sam gives and incredulous look.

"You seriously don't know?" he asks. I give him a look. Obviously not or I wouldn't be asking. Sam waits by the door, bouncing on the balls of his feet. 7:40, that sounds familiar. What happens at 7:40?? My eyes widen and Sam rolls his eyes.

"School!" I yell.

"Finally", Sam says, walking out the door. Shit. School. I groan and drag myself to the bathroom to brush my teeth. While I'm brushing, I think about the dream that I had before Sam woke me up. Castiel. Why does that sound familiar too?? I spit and rinse my mouth.

"Castiel" I say, as I jump in the shower. What a weird name. Loud knocking breaks my thoughts and that's my cue from Sam to get out of the shower.

I wrap a towel around my waist and head to my room. Throwing on the nearest shirt I found which happened to be an AC/DC band tee, I throw on my most comfortable jeans and my favorite jacket.

"Ten minutes!" Sam calls.

"Alright mom!" I yell back. I grab the keys to my 1967 Chevy Impala. Also known as my pride and joy. Or Baby. Shoving my feet into a random pair of boots, I walk out the door of our house to start the car. Sam, still isn't out yet. What the hell? He's always ready before me. I walk back in to get him.

"Sam Winchester, get your ass down here now or you're walking that ass to school!" I hear shuffling in the bathroom and within a few minutes, he's out. He looks at me strangely.

"Where are your school supplies?" He asks. We both double over and laugh. Me? School? Getting ready for school? Right. Today is going to be a good day for once, I think smiling.

Sam's POV

I hear the door slam and sigh in relief. He's gone. Well, for the time being. I practically sprint to the bathroom and quickly take out a thick book from the drawer. Except, it's not a book about physics. I open the cover and it greets me with the entire book hollowed out, disguising itself as a book instead of a container. Inside, it contains blades, all kinds of every size and sharpness. Hey, a person can be depressed and creative. I quickly grab one and lean over the sink. Placing it on my arm, I slowly swipe it across my skin, craving that burn I always look for when I do this. One, two, three, four, five. My arm is decently bloody but I need one more. Slower, this time.

"Sam Winchester, get your ass down here now or you're walking that ass to school!" Dean yells. I jump, causing the blade to run deeper in my flesh and causing a longer cut than I expected. I gasp but quickly compose of myself. Whatever. But I freeze, realizing something. Dean. Dean is here, in the house. I throw the blade back in the box/book and shove it into the drawer. Blasting on the cold water, I let the water run over my bloodied arm, burning it even more from it being so cold. Grabbing the first aid kit from the medicine cabinet, I quickly wrap it up and put everything away. Like it's a routine. Cuz, well it is.

I make it out in a record time, and since I am pumped with adrenaline from what just happened, I smile at Dean, hoping he isn't suspicious of anything. To test the waters, I throw a joke at him. We both end up laughing and head to Baby. So much for wanting today to be a good day.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Castiel's POV

"Cassie wake the fuck up!!!!" Gabriel screams in my ear, causing me to jump out of bed, smashing into him. We both groan and sit down on my bed. "Why, Gabe, of all things." I ask. He smirks.

"Cuz its fun". I groan again and lean back on the bed. Another year. Another year with Crowley, Alistair, Meg. There's more. Obviously. But they are just the leaders of the pack, you know?

I sigh and drag myself out of bed. When I get out of the bathroom and shower, the smell of bacon wafts through the air. Michael must be home today. I smile as I slip on a long sleeved dark blue button up and a pair of black jeans. I slide in the kitchen on my socks and grin at Michael. Relief washes over me now that I realize how happy I am that Uncle Zachariah isn't home. Or in town at all. I tug at the cuffs on my sleeves. Maybe I won't cut today. Michael's here. Not Uncle Zach. I look around the kitchen to see who joined us for breakfast since Adam, Michael's twin and Lucifer sometimes join us to eat before they head off to college on the weekends, breaks etc. Lucifer wasn't around and neither was Adam. Shrugging, I take a plate out of the cabinet and shovel some scrambled eggs and bacon on my plate. Grabbing a piece of toast, I sit back down, next to Gabriel, who was educating Anna about the importance in suckers and licorice.

Anna rolled her eyes. "Gabriel, I really don't want an oral presentation on your obsessions." I look up at her my eyes, widened. "Exactly!" I say, high fiving her, causing to Gabriel to fake pout, making us all laugh.

We all settle down by the time Michael comes in the dining room with his food. Dining room. Huh. I take into account that we do live in quite a nice house. Okay, that was an understatement. It was a mansion. Thanks to Zachariah. But none of us knew where the money even came from. And when we asked about it, he would just say that it's none of our business and we should just 'shut the fuck up and be grateful'. After, the night our parents were murdered, it's always been like that. I'm pulled back into reality when the maid, Jenna, takes my plate. I attempt to refuse but she's too quick, so I offer to wash the dishes, which, she reluctantly allows.

As soon as I finish, I check the time, 8:00 am. "Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit." Class starts at 8:20 am and I'm supposed to be giving tours...now. I race out the door and run to school, knowing that it's only a few blocks away and, well, I don't own a car. The school comes into view and I see no students milling around it like lost children. Crap. I'm late.

I sprint the rest of the way and burst into the building, out of breath and about to collapse. Composing myself, I step into to the main office, where the new students were waiting for their tour of the school. "Castiel, you're here. Good. This is the person you will be giving a tour to." The principal, Mr. Shurley says. I turn away to find the school map and the guide I was using to say about each and every class. "Hi, sorry I'm late" I say, still looking in my bag. When I find the map but not the guide, I hand it over to the newbie and start digging in my bag before I even get a glimpse of them. Thank god we're in the same grade because it's just better. Maybe I'll make a new friend. I find the guide after a while. "Gotcha."

"Ready to go now?" They ask. And my heart drops. That voice. I've heard before somewhere. Nervously, I look up. Dreading the face that I hoped to never ever see ever again. And there he was.

"Hi Castiel."


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel's POV

 

I just stare at him. Whowhatwherewhenwhyhow?? I know, like, half of those but it didn't matter. Why. That's the one that I cared about. Why the hell was he here? "Umm, you know I'm right here right?" he asks. Crap. Did I say that out loud?? "Yes and yes" he replies. Slowly nodding and trying to keep my mouth shut, I open the door to exit the office, holding it for him. "And to answer your not-so-subtle question, I'm here because we moved and I honestly had no idea that you were attending this school." 

"Whatever, let's just get this tour over" I say, trying to stay strictly professional which was kind of hard since the person that used to be the love of my life is standing two feet away from me.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

We finish the tour before lunch which was a record but it was probably because I would rather be in class than do awkward small talk. I haven't even said his name. It would make it way too real. The fact that I would see him every day. And according to his schedule, I literally see him every day- for three classes. Geology, Bio, and English.

I'm guessing he noticed that I haven't said his name either the entire time since we met today. Since he asked, "So...still remember my name right?" He chuckles nervously. I look up from the oh-so-interesting polished floors of the high school to meet his eyes. I smile politely at him.

"Of course I do. Now, let's go to the cafeteria, lunch is starting in about five minutes." He grins back, thinking that we're besties now. That's cute.

"What's cute?" He asks. Shit. Did it again.

"Nothing." I say smiling. Hopefully it will convince him. He smiles back and changes the subject. Sorta.

"Nothing...who?" He says, urging me to say his name. Like he's scared I forgot or something. I sigh and try to ignore the insistent stabbing at my heart when I say his name.

"Nothing...Balthazar."

Dean's POV

We get out of the car and I spot my friends at the football field. Seeing Sam already out and halfway to the entrance, I jog over to them. The first one I see is Charlie. I jump her, getting a scream. And a punch. She's quite strong for someone her size. "Hello to you." She says, faking her annoyance. Charlie breaks into a grin and says, "There's someone I want you to meet." I raise an eyebrow, then notice that there is someone new in our group I didn't notice since she was hiding behind Charlie. She steps out from behind her and Charlie curls her arm around her waist. "This is Gilda, my new girlfriend." Charlie seems to glowing from the word 'girlfriend'. And Glinda seems nice, after we get talking, and that's good. Charlie's last girlfriend, Dorothy, was a bitch.

We walk together to the school to sort out our schedules and school fees. We all separate, Benny and Kevin walk off together, since they have the same first period class, pre-calculus. Gilda and Charlie have study hall and I'm the only one who has gym first. I head to the guy's locker room to change and see my other friends. My team mates. It's just better to keep both away. Reputation and all. Crowley and Alastair shove me against the lockers and Azazel walks in between, and they all give me this shit-eating grin. Azazel is the first to speak. "Welcome home, Captain" I roll my eyes but grin back. Those three do the weirdest things to get my attention. "It's good to be back." But then I do a double-take.

"C-Captain?" They hold their grin and the rest of the football team comes over to congratulate me. I must've had a look of disbelief on my face because Gordon walks in front of all the guys to face me.

"Go talk to Coach yourself, if you don't believe us." He pats me on the shoulder and heads out of the changing room. I get on my gear for football since football season is always at the beginning of the year. After I'm done, I walk over to Coach Singer. "Hey Coach," I start. He looks up from the papers on his desk and looks at me. "So... I was wondering if I-"he cuts me off. "Yes. I thought it would be a smart idea to have someone that won us the finals last year." I nod and thank him. He grunts in return and shoos me away to start an early practice since everyone with a few exceptions were on the team.

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The morning goes by surprisingly fast and lunch finally comes. Since Charlie was in the same class as me before lunch, we walk out together to go to the cafeteria. We get our food, but we separate again, me sitting with the rest of my team mates and their girlfriends. It doesn't bother either of us. Benny and Kevin don't even like being popular. Too much stress. And they can use me as an example. I doubt it's the people though. Crowley and Alastair might be a little rough around the edges but who isn't right? I sit at our usual tables- there's a lot of us so we take up two- and as soon as I sit down, two hands cover my eyes. "Guess who?" I smell perfume, a specific one. "Hmm, I don't know. Might need a clue," I say, smirking. I stand up, pull the pair of hands off my face but I still hold them. I bend down a little and kiss those soft lips while closing my eyes. I pull away and open them. "Hey Lisa." I say. She smiles at me and sits down at the second table, where the rest of the girlfriends are, all cheerleaders. We talk about everything and everyone, the girls join in and when Gordon talks about the time he messed with one of the kids at school, I zone out, probably hearing it for the hundredth time.

A bit of time passes and I manage to finish all my food when Azazel calls my name. "Yo, Winchester, you coming or what." I look up from my empty plate, thoroughly confused. "The party, tomorrow." Lisa fills me in. Oh right. "Won't miss it." I say, grinning, knowing it will be less like a party and more like a rave.

Castiel's POV

I start to walk off to get to my usual spot at the library since no one likes fags. Thanks to Crowley for outing me for being gay, I went from having a few friends to none. They all moved out of the school since they also got bullied for even trying to be friends with me in the first place. I manage to get two steps away from Balthazar when he catches my wrist and I freeze. 50% of the reason is because he's touching me, and the other is the fact that the arm is the one I made the most recent cuts on. "Please, sit with me. I made a few friends and I think it would be great if you could meet them." Balthazar's accent makes it really hard to resist and when I turn to look at him, his pleading gaze makes it almost impossible to decline. But then I remembered all the people who used to be my friend, and what happened to them. I jerk my arm away and hastily explain that I had tons of homework, even if it was the first day of school. I hurry off in the direction of the library and find a spot to settle in.

People walk by me, cough out "cocksucker" "fag" "faggot" but some of them are actual comments. Which makes my day even better. A blonde kid, sits right beside me and talks to me even though I don't pay any attention to him. "What's up faggot? Still sucking dick aren't you? I bet you don't even know how much you disgust everyone." He gets up and pulls a sharpie out of his pocket rips my paper out of my hands and scribbles 'FAGGOT' in huge letters that cover my entire assignment. I spin around and glare at him.

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" He smirks. 

"So the cocksucker talks." I fume, grabbing my assignment and ripping it apart, since it was ruined. I take my things and walk out, the blonde trailing behind me, "Hey, faggot, where do you think you're going?? I'm talking to you-oof, unghh." I turn around curiously. The blonde was leaning over, like he got punched. Apparently he did. A girl with bright red hair was standing over him, whispering in his ear, causing his eyes to widen and scurry off in the opposite direction.

The girl walks over to me and I must've had a scared look on my face because she offered a warm smile. "Don't worry, he won't be bothering you anymore. You're sticking with us from now on okay?" She was kind but her offer was more or less like an offer. So I agree and follow her and another girl with curly dark brown hair. We head outside and sit at one of the tables there that already had a few people. The red head speaks first. "Guys, this is..." She looks over at me nervously. Oh right, I didn't introduce myself after her kicking the guys ass. 

"Castiel, Castiel Novak." They make room for me and we exchange small greetings. Okay, so there's Gilda, Charlie, Benny, and Kevin. Easy enough.

Charlie immediately jumps into the party that is being held by Ruby Masters, the sister of one of my main bullies, Meg Masters, if that's what you call them. But other than that, the most popular girl at school but the biggest druggie too. So, it's obvious that there will be drugs and alcohol involved. "So, who's coming?" Charlie asks.

"Can't. Studying." Says Kevin. 

"I'm in." Benny adds in. 

"Same, Gilda and I both are." Charlie pulls Gilda in for a kiss. Oh. Wow. I didn't even think that there was ever openly gay people at my school but I guess I was wrong. Gilda looks over at me, probably expecting judgment, and when she didn't get any, her half-glare turned into acceptance and asked me if I was coming. I freeze for a moment, noticing that someone asked me a question about going to a party. A social event. Where you are supposed to socialize. I decide to use the same excuse I used to avoid hanging and with Balthazar and friends. 

"I have tons of homework, can't make it. Sorry." I mumble. Gilda gives me a sympathetic smile and turns to eat her food. Charlie looks at me now and raises her eyebrow. 

"I have all the same classes as you Novak, except for art. So, unless you have to write an essay on the history of vertical lines, you're going to that party." I give her an incredulous look. 

"How did you know that?" I ask. She shrugs. 

"Looked at your schedule. Like right now." Charlie nods her head towards my binder and notebooks. And my schedule was right in front. Oh wow. I'm smart. I purse my lips and nod. 

"So that's a yes right?" Benny asks. I sigh. 

"Yeah, that's a yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know that we're two chapters in and Castiel and Dean haven't met yet but they most definitely will in the next chapter. God this chapter and the insults hurt me so much but there needs to be conflict because I'm just not that kind of person that likes too much fluff. So beware of the heartbreak. Damn, I should've said that in the summary. Oh well.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean's POV

 

I look up at my alarm clock. 9:52pm. Great. Late. Again. I shove on my black jeans and throw on an old AD/DC band tee. I grab my leather jacket and keys. Sam's probably doing homework so I just knock on his door and tell him I'm leaving. I head out the door and drive my way to the Master's house.

I arrive and I'm glad that they live far away because the place is a mess and the neighbors will probably give them an earful about it tomorrow. There are people everywhere and the music is so loud that I can feel it vibrating my bones. Crowley spots me and walks over. "Glad you could make it."

"Glad to be here." We make it inside the house where the team and their girlfriends have taken up residence in the living room. They make room for me on the couch and I rest my feet on the coffee table. But Alastair shoves them off and I give him a confused look.

"We're playing a game." I give him an even more confused look. He shrugs and removes the table and pushes it to the side, creating a sort of circle- the girls sitting on the edge of the table. Al takes a seat and spoke again. "Let's play..." I raise my eyebrow at him. "Truth or Dare." The whole group groans in protest but we go along with it. Gordon is the first one that goes.

"Naomi, truth or dare." Naomi, Gordon's girlfriend chooses dare. Gordon smirks. "I dare you, to make out with the first girl you see in the room." Everyone looks at him. Naomi huffs and stands up.

"You know, this is too easy. Everyone, guy or girl wants me." She says smirking, walking straight to Charlie. Oh god. Naomi is so screwed. I purse my lips, giving Charlie and Gilda a silent heads up. They already know what's going to happen. Gordon is a massive douche and horny practically all the time. And we play Truth or Dare at every party. They are both fast thinkers so they quickly improvise a plan to humiliate Naomi in a matter of seconds before she even gets there. Gilda walks right behind her and fake falls, knowing Naomi would ignore her and I can tell that she is spreading- butter? On the floor. Interesting. Charlie has a glass of soda and as soon as they kiss, she fakes being surprised and she does a damn good job at it. Charlie spills the soda on Naomi and just like that, Naomi shrieks, stepping back and slips on the butter, causing her to fall flat on her ass. Damn, just like clockwork. Charlie and Gilda disappear out of the room. Naomi walks back in, pissed and embarrassed. Everyone is laughing but we move on.

"Naomi, sweetheart, could get us a few rounds of shots?" Gordon's voice sounded over the racket. She rolled her eyes and got the rest of the girls to come with her. When they come back, we take a few before starting. I took another shot before Crowley spoke. "Truth or dare" he asks. Immediately, I say, "Dare". Nope. Dean Winchester is not a wimp. Crowley eyes Alistair, probably for suggestions. Alastair's eyes widen and whispers something in his ear. I raise an eyebrow when Crowley breaks into a grin. "So?" I ask. "What is it?"

His grin gets wider.

"I dare you to ask a guy out." I give him and Alastair a look.

"Al? You said guy didn't you." Alastair grins like the Cheshire Cat. Al gives Lisa a look and from the expression she is giving him, she is pissed. He chuckles.

"What? Lis, don't tell me you're going to be jealous of a fag." She rolls her eyes and waves him away.

"Knock yourself out, it's not like any guy can even compete with me." She smirks back. I sigh, hoping to use Lisa as a defense.

"Okay, so who will be the lucky guy?" I ask. Naomi gasps and whispers into Crowley's ear.

"Oh come on! Why are we so secretive all of a sudden?" I throw my arms in the air. Everyone laughs which gets me laughing too. Naomi whispers it to everyone else cuz she just can't keep anything to herself. The girls start giggling and now I'm kind of concerned.

"Okay, so you have to go out with Novak over there and you do not tell him that this is a dare. Now, your goal is to get him to trust you and all the secrets he tells you, I want you to report back to us." I give him a weird look after what my dare was. The whole entire group gives a collective sigh, and it surprises me how they all know why but I'm the only one that doesn't.

"Because, Dean, he is the only one we haven't cracked. And we all know that they are going to hell anyway, might as well enjoy the ride." He smirks. I sigh again for like the millionth time and shake my head grinning.

"Fine. But you know that being gay isn't exactly a good thing, well anywhere." I say. Gordon jumps in.

"And that's why we have your's and that fag's back. Make him feel accepted." He gives a nasty grin. I must've looked a bit apprehensive because Al spoke up.

"You're lookin' a bit nervous Winchester, you're not a fag too, are you?" I give him a look of disgust, and for a moment I thought Lisa gave me a bit of sympathy but I didn't understand so I ignored it, not giving myself time to think about the chance that I might actually like guys.

"So, where's the faggot?" I say, hoping the slur would convince them that I'm on their side. Cuz I am. Yep. They all take the bait and stop questioning me. Even if it was a rhetorical question since I have a girlfriend. One of the girls, Lilith, I think points in the direction of the kitchen, where Charlie and Gilda have seemed to re-appear. And there he was, I think, I didn't see his face but he had his coat on for some reason. A beige trench coat that ended at his mid-calf. He had dark jeans on and they were almost as dark as his hair. Crowley snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Well, are you going to get 'em?" I was turned away from them so they didn't know that I was practically drooling over the guy and I haven't even seen his face, much less talk to him. I turn around and grin.

"You think this is a dare? You could've made it harder. This guy will fall all over me if I guy help it." Crowley chuckled.

"Fine, then you have to get him to kiss you. You can't kiss him. He has to kiss you." I look at him and wrinkle my nose.

"You're sick." Everyone laughs and Crowley puts his hands up in surrender.

"You said it was too easy. Your words, not mine." I sigh in frustration. Nothing will convince him to back out. I shake my head and grin.

"Fine."

~~~

Castiel's POV

I've been here for awhile and I'm actually beginning to enjoy their company. It's comforting. I manage to take off my trench coat, which is a first because it's like a security blanket. Which is completely weird and new so here I am, feeling comfortable and awkward at the same time. Great. I notice that I'm standing while everyone is sitting and even the ones that are standing, it looks natural. I'm standing like a statue and I feel like I should just leave before someone mistakes me for a coat hook or something. Charlie, Gilda, and Benny have run off somewhere. I'll just say that I didn't feel good and I had to leave. An arm rests on my shoulder and I fight the urge to shrug it off or flinch. I look up from the cup I've been studying and look at them. Charlie. Dammit. So much for my plan. She quickly tells me she's planning on going home and I can relax again because I won't have to lie to them. I nod and turn to throw my cup out and head for the as well. At least, that's what I planned. I smashed into the one and only Dean Winchester. My eyes widen and bite my lip, preparing for the insults and punches. When they don't come, I look up at him and he looks just as shocked as I am. Why is he shocked.

Dean's POV (Yeah I know, there's a lot of Dean).

I quickly plan up the cliche thing to do and how to meet. I just run into him. All that sappy stuff comes in later. Oh god, I hope he's at least slightly decent. Dammit. Gays tend to have higher voices too. Great, someone that has helium permanently stuck in their throat. And I'll be walking around with a rainbow for the entire time until this dare is over. He's probably wearing a rainbow tie-dye shirt underneath that good sense of style.

I'm about to back out, in fact, I actually take a few steps away but that's when he turns around and runs into me. We get our drinks all over us and I catch him before he falls. Novak-whatever his first name is, freezes and that's when it hits, me. I should be screaming at him to shove off or something. And when it hits him that I haven't done it, he looks up.

My eyes widen and I must've looked just as shocked as him. But not for the same reason. I couldn't believe that I hoped that he would be slightly decent. He had pale skin and that made his eyes stand out even more. His eyes, I could write a novel about them, and anyone that knows me, I don't write. They were just so god damn blue. I could stare at them all day and still not be bored of them. They looked so angelic. The only thing that pulled my out of my trance was that he started squirming under my gaze and grasp. I let go and take notice of his outfit. I notice how my suspicions of him did a complete 180. He wore a black button down which was rolled up to his elbows but it was opened and underneath was a gray t-shirt that seemed to make his eyes look even more vibrant. He bites his bottom lip again and it makes me melt but I try to compose of myself.

"Sorry, for..." he holds up the now empty cup and I stop breathing for awhile. His voice, it's deep and gravelly and I think of all the possibilities that could've caused that heavenly sound and my dirty thoughts get the best of me and the only thing that snaps me out of it is when he coughs nervously so I move along with the plan. I grin.

"It's alright, c'mon, I'll drive you to my place, get you cleaned up." He gives me a look. My eyes widen a bit. Dammit. I went too fast. This literally only works on girls doesn't it? "Damn, that was a bit forward. How 'bout I just give you a ride to your place?" He gives me a small smile.

"That's nice, Dean, but you don't even know me, or my name much less." Oh my god. He knows my name. I ignore the butterflies in my stomach and continue talking to him.

"Why don't you tell me then?" I say. He laughs a little. It's small, but I can't get enough of it and I feel the urge to cause that again.

"Castiel Novak." He says.

"Castiel Novak"I repeat. Rolling off my tongue. And that's when it hits me. I'm crushing on him. And I was supposed to make him fall in love with me. Wow. He is flipping everything around. My view of gays, for one. Rainbows and high voices are completely off the table and he isn't even doing anything and I'm already falling over him. I cut off my new feelings for him and give the team an assuring look, just to get my head in the game. Because that's what that's what it is. A game.

"Now, can I take you home, Castiel?" This is going to be easy as hell. Take him home, he's probably drunk enough to kiss me on his own and bam, dare is done. But then I have to go out with him. Which should be easy enough because he is just so alone and no one actually likes him. I smile. This'll be over soon enough and I can go back to being straight. Wait, I am straight. What the hell am I saying, going back? Castiel speaks up before I can question my sexuality even further.

"You know what? I'm good. Maybe you should take me out before you take me home." He smirks and walks out the door, giving me an opportunity to see his ass on the way out. Which makes me want to hide his trench coat for covering up such a sight. Damn, normally, they would fall over me like they've been hit with sleeping gas. He's different. I can tell. And I intend to find out more about. And it might be because I want to. Not because of the dare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I hoped you liked this chapter. It's a bit longer and I'm hoping to move the story a long like that because I like slow builds so I hope you'll still read the next update.


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel's POV

I walk out the door. More than pissed. No one is interested in me. And it's just sick that Dean Winchester would even dare to do that. It's sick and predictable. Sick sick sick. I'm even more pissed that I wished for even a second that it was real. Cuz it's not. Nope.

And I go to bed as soon as I get home and pass out almost immediately, thinking of a certain pair of green eyes.

_The first person I see is Dean, and an older man. His father? I turn away to find Crowley and a woman. "I see." Crowley says. He walks over the wall behind him where there are symbols written in red.. paint? and swipes at the red ink/paint used to create strange symbols. He turns back to me. "And we've been working with," he sticks the finger in his mouth. I grimace in disgust. "Dog blood, naturally." he finishes. I glance over at Dean and he seems scared. Which doesn't make sense. Dean Winchester doesn't get scared. Especially not of a nerdy kid like me. The woman speaks up._

_"Enough of these games, Castiel. Give us. The blood."_

_Crowley points at me. "Game's over, his jar's empty."_

_"Okay, what the hell are you guys talking about. What blood?" I say. But no one's listening. Crowley gestures to me again. "So, Castiel, how'd your ritual go? Better than ours I'll bet." I sigh in frustration and walk over to Crowley._

_"Dude, what the hell are you saying?" And that's when I feel this heat on my back and a blinding light. I turn around and, well, I see me. I look like the god damn sun and I need to cover my eyes before they burn out. When the light dims, I see myself, but from the way I'm standing and smiling- it sorta creeps me out. No wonder Dean is scared. I hear myself speaking and it runs chills down my spine. "You can't imagine what it's like. They're all inside me. Millions upon millions of souls." Okay what the hell is actually going on right now._

_"Sounds sexy," Crowley says. I'm surprised that he is still trying to humor him- me, us? "Exit stage Crowley." And then he just disappears. "Okayy, what the hell just happened????" I ask, even though no one can here me. Everyone thinks it's normal which freaks me out even more. How the hell will anyone be okay after someone just vanishing like that?? I turn back to me, the creepy one, when he speaks. "Now what's the matter Raphael, somebody clip your wings?" Wings? What wings? Are we like birds or something? Raphael pleads desperately._

_"Castiel, you let the demon go, but not your own brother." Oh wow okay. Demon? Brother?? Wings??? I-magical me interrupts my thoughts._

_"The demon I have plans for. You on the other hand.." The different me raises their hand and snaps his fingers. And all of a sudden Raphael automatically explodes right beside me. I let out a yelp. And stare at him. He looks over at Dean again, for the thousandth time. Oh god. No. Not Dean. "Dude, not him, I mean, he was a jerk and all and he still kinda is but he really doesn't need to die like that." I say, hoping that with his mystical powers he might hear me. He starts walking around the room. "So you see, I saved you." Dean gets out of his crouching position and cautiously walks to him-me._

_"Sure did Cas. Thank you."_

_"You doubted me. Fought against me. But I was right all along." He turns back to them. The older man giving 'Cas' the 'are you kidding me' look._

_"Okay Cas, you were. We're sorry." Damn, Dean has never says sorry for anything. 'Cas' gives a fake smile of sympathy. Understanding. Like talking to them really wasn't worth it. "Let's just defuse you, okay?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"You're full of nuke, you're not safe. So before the eclipse ends, let's get them souls back to where they belong."_

_'Cas' takes no time to answer. "Oh no they belong with me."_

_"No no Cas, it's-it's scrambling your brain-"_

_"Oh I'm not finished yet. Raphael had many followers and I must... punish them all severely." I speak up, still not letting go of the chance that anybody might be able to hear me. "Dude you are so messed up in the head what the hell is wrong with you??"_

_"Listen to me, listen. I know there's a lot of bad water under the bridge," Dean takes a rattling breath. "But we were family once. I'd die for you, almost did a few times. So if that means anything to you, please. I've lost Lisa, Ben- now I've lost Sam. Don't make me lose you too." Whoa. He lost Lisa?? Where the hell did she go? Sam? His brother right? Where did he go? Who the hell is Ben? "You don't need this kinda juice anymore Cas. Get rid of it before it kills us all."_

_"You're just saying that because I won. Because you're afraid." Cas says. I sigh in frustration. "No you idiot! It's because you're all gonna die and he doesn't want to lose you!!" I scream at him. Turns out I don't care if they hear me or not. "You're not my family Dean. I have no family." I whistle. "Ouch." and right then, he disappears. But the only thing that changes is that they can see me now, but they think it's still him. Because Dean is still hurt and scared when he looks at me. And I feel something cut through my spinal cord. I scream and fall to the ground. I look at my attacker. Sam?_

_"I'm sorry Cas." he says._

_"I'm not- not." I say, the pain causing me to pass out._

 

~~~

I wake up in a cold sweat. That was a really weird dream. How can you feel pain in a dream? I shrug it off as I get ready for hell- I mean school. I throw on a plain black t-shirt, dark blue jeans and grab a royal blue button down before taking my backpack, shoving on my black converse and heading out the door. It's a bit chilly but since I always wear my trench coat everywhere, it doesn't affect me much.

When I reach the school, I see Dean. I see the asshole and shameless flirt last night and I feel like slapping him across the face. Repeatedly. But then I remember how scared he was of me. Even though that wasn't actually me, and it was a dream, I still didn't want to see that look on his face. Now, I feel like running over to him and giving him a big hug, saying that it will be okay. But then I remember that it was a dream and we're not friends and- dammit. He's walking towards me. What the hell do I do?? Okay, maybe if I just ignore him and walk to the front doors, he will give up try to talk about that awkward moment at the party. He's drunk enough to forget it right? He slowly follows me, like he's unsure if he should continue and as I reach the main entrance, I look back and find him looking up at the sky, pretending that he is following me. And he is closer this time. Okay, maybe if I- nope. I hear footsteps, and they are getting closer. Dammit. Just keep walking. Pretend he isn't there. I chew the inside of my cheek while trying to remember where my locker is.

I get to my locker and he is still there. Just a few feet behind me. I grab my stuff but still stealing a few glances at him. And he is right beside me. If there weren't people around, this would have looked exactly like a horror movie. I notice that he is fiddling around with the locker beside me. Yeah, go ahead and pretend that this is your locker. I smile a little, seeing how hilarious this is and that literally goes down the drain when he manages to open the lock and grab random supplies out of the locker. Are you serious. Dean Winchester can't look less-than-perfect for once. I grab my stuff and head to my first period class. English. I breathe a breath of relief when he walks in the other direction.

I sit in a seat at the back, nearest to the window. I notice that it's starting to pour like crazy and the wind is howling. "This better not last the whole day." I mumble, knowing that I have to walk in this rain later after school since our new driver doesn't show up for work in a week or so. Lighting strikes and I see the reflection of me and someone behind me. Mr. Moriarty. Great.

"Mr. Novak, if you aren't here to learn then I suggest you get out of my class." I'm about to say something snarky back because I'm just so tired of him right now but I keep it down, because that would lead to calling Uncle Zach and God knows that I don't want him coming home any time soon. I mumble a quick apology and take out a notebook to copy whatever is on the board. But my mind is somewhere else.

~~~

The day goes agonizingly slow but lunch makes it all better. I get to hang out with Charlie and her friends again. It's much better than being alone, but I won't admit it. The sun is out, shining and the grass and dewy from the morning rain. I spot them , at their usual table outside, huddled together. Walking over, I notice that someone else is there. Damn, do they recruit new people in their group on a daily basis or something? Benny sees me and waves me over. I jog up to them and notice that the new recruit is stopping Benny from walking over. Okay? Since they are so closely knit, I don't see who is there until everyone backs away and takes their seat. Dean. Fucking. Winchester. I let out a sigh and turn to go back to the library. Of course they were so close together. He was already friends with them before me. Great. "I... have to go... get something" I say, gesturing towards the school. I see Dean's smile drop but I ignore it. Okay, well I try. Why does he even care? I'm halfway to the doors when Dean catches up with me. Dammit why.

"Please come sit with us, I was wrong to make you think otherwise." His voice makes my damn heart melt but I keep walking.

"I'm good, I have to do something anyways." I walk a little faster but since he is an athlete, and I'm not exactly making it my mission to get to the school before him, he still keeps up.

"Okay, then will you come back and eat with us?" he asks, probably feeling genuinely sorry. But I don't buy it for a second. Because Dean Winchester doesn't say sorry, much less feel it.

"Yep." I say, flashing a smile, hoping he will back off.

"Great. I'll just keep you company until we get back." He says. Is he serious??

Yeah, he's serious.

I walk slowly, since he knows where my locker is and I can't wander the halls like I'm confused because he will probably point it out for me. It's awkward as hell and I can't even stop it because I kind of want to build up the courage and talk to him but at the same time I want to yell at him for being suck a jerk even before the party. And just like that, I remember all of the things he's done in the past, which completely blocks out all the good I saw in him ever. I walk faster, and since he was so used to my slow pace, I get a few feet away from him before he catches up again. God this is pissing me off. I turn to face. "Okay, what the hell do you want from me Dean."

Dean's POV

Oh my god he said my name again. It's like a freaking prayer. I stop and think about what I just thought. What the hell Dean? Get it together. " I'm doing this dare where you have to kiss me and go out with me but I'm actually kind of liking you and I hope you'll forgive me after this because I would actually like to do that someday." He stares at me and I wish I could take it all back.

"Well?" he says. Oh. I said that all. In my head.

"I-uh was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime." I say. He looks at me strangely. Dammit. That sounds too forward. Again what the hell. "You know, like friends." He slowly nods. "Kevin and them are going to movies on Friday, would you like to join us?"

"Yeah, sure." Castiel says a little more immediately. My heart sinks a little. He doesn't want to hang out with just me. I give him a smile anyway. It's just a dare. It's only a dare.


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel's POV

I pass the entire week with flying colors and for a moment I actually mean it when I say that I've had a good day. Friday comes and by the time school ends, I can say that the week was exceptional, never actually admitting that today was pretty good. No bullies, the football team including Dean backed off the entire week which was a first. But it's not like we were going around making friendship bracelets.

I'm on my way home when I see a car pass by me. A 1967 Chevy Impala. No, I don't know cars but that car is practically famous at our school because it belonged to my one and only stalker. Dean Winchester. He used that to pick up girls and chase kids like me into allies to beat the homework out of us. I shiver but since it's kinda windy, it isn't out of the ordinary. I pray for the car to speed along pass me but it doesn't. My luck is going bad already? In fact, the car stops and Dean rolls down the window. Okay, maybe if i walk really fast and pretend to be really really interested in that rock over there, he'll ignore me.

"Hey Novak!" Damn it. Why me? I sigh and look at him. I give him the most bored look I could possibly give so he knows to back off. "Want a ride?" he asks. I glance at the rock again because if I look at him again, I will forget how much of a bully he is and agree without a second thought. I continue walking, hoping for billionth time that he will get the hint. And he doesn't. He steps on the pedal slightly to keep up the same pace. I shake me head and keep walking. "Okay, dude I'm really not asking you, get in or I'll carry you in." I let that image play in my mind for 2.5 seconds but I snap out of it when he calls me again. "Well?" I lick my lips nervously and get in the backseat.

There is no one from the team and it's just Dean and his little brother. There is someone else in the backseat beside me but I don't know who it is because I quickly get in and faced the window. The person was also facing the other side so I had no idea who they were or even what they wore. I sneak a glance at them and now their facing forwards. I do a double take. "Gabriel??"

"Oh, hiya Cassie" he says, like getting picked up by a Winchester was just a normal thing.

"What are you doing here?!" I whisper-scream. But it isn't helping because Sam turns around and Dean is sneaking glances at me through the rear-view mirror. It doesn't really matter for him because he has been doing that to me the whole week but still. Sam answers my not-so-discrete question. "Gabe's staying over for dinner." I raise my eyebrow at Gabriel and a slight blush stains his cheeks. So I finally get to meet the Sam that Gabriel's been obsessing over. I didn't think it would be a Winchester, and I most definitely didn't expect to meet him for the first time when Dean is practically kidnapping me in his car. Sam is still looking at me, expecting me to blow up in flames or something.

"Oh," I say. "And does Michael know about this?" he nods and I continue. "Well, I don't see that there would be any problem then." Gabe smiles at me and I return it. I tell Dean the address and then I face the window again, zoning out.

~Twelve minutes later~ (should've been twenty but Dean's driving so...)

We arrive at the house and Sam and Dean gape at the house. Gabriel and I exchange confused looks and notice that through their eyes that this is an extremely huge mansion. My lips form in the shape of an 'o' in understanding. They get over it and Dean parks the car for some reason. I look at him through the rear view mirror. "I'm not going to take long to get out of the car, you don't need to park." He rolls his eyes.

"No, I was thinking since we have a da- thing, you should just get dressed or whatever and come with us. We could go together." His voice dies down at the last part and I'm left utterly confused.

"What?"

"You don't remember? We have plans with Kevin guys." He sounds so sad that I almost feel guilty for not remembering but I brush it off. I nod in realization.

"Umm, why don't you all come in and I'll get ready." We all get out of the Impala and I ring the doorbell. Our butler (yes, because Zachariah felt like we needed to be watched over) answered the door.

"Coats?" he said, in the most apathetic tone, addressing both Gabriel and I. I ignore him anyway.

"Yes please, thank you Marv." He takes our coats but Sam and Dean refuse. Dean mouths to me 'You have a butler?!' I shrug because I don't exactly like to brag about it like Uriel or Hester. I glance back at them and they are gaping again. I guess it was impressive. Even the front door was fancy. The doors to the main room were shiny with white paint, not one sign of weathering. The room was enormous and had two spiral staircases leading to the second floor with an elegant chandelier hanging above them. There were double doors to every hall and room, including all of our bedrooms. Gabriel decides to give Sam and Dean a tour of the house but Dean refuses and sticks with me. I shrug and lead him up the right hand staircase and go through the hallway in front of us. We stop at the double doors that look exactly like the TARDIS from Doctor Who. I look over at him, preparing myself for the wow-you're-more-of-a-geek-then-I-thought look. But I don't get it. I get a shocked look.

"You watch Doctor Who too?" Now it's my turn to be shocked. Wow, I have something in common with the captain of the football team. I nod and open the doors. It's overly neat and organized since I clean when I'm stressed and, well, school. There are a couple band posters on the wall but again, they are neat and aligned against the white walls. My bed is centered against the back wall and it's twice the size of a king sized bed. There are two windows on either side of the bed that reach the ceiling and the ground which actually open as doors to the balcony. I have a desk and a large bookshelf on one side of the desk. On the other, a narrow table that perfectly fit my record player. On the left side of the entrance which is also as tidy as can be. My dresser which matches my desk, bed and walls, and my walk-in closet are on the right side of the entrance. There are pale grey couches made of really soft fabric on either side of the doors. Dean plops onto the one on the right side while looking around.

"You know you can walk around? I'm not going to take long just wait." I walk into my closet and close the door to change. Even though I have to change in the locker rooms in front of people, I really don't want to do that more than I have to.

Dean's POV

Damn, he is so not what I expected him and his house to be. They are so filthy rich. Castiel disappears behind the door and I kinda wished he wasn't so afraid to change in front of me. Wait, no. Stop thinking like that Dean. You're straight. As a board. Yep. I look through the bookshelf and the records. I see lots of bands I'm not a stranger to,Twenty-one Pilots, My Chemical Romance, Green Day, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco. I do notice a few that I actually listen to which catch me by surprise. AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, Metallica, and Kansas. I see one that is quite different than the others. But I don't think much about it because Castiel comes out of the closet. (See what I did there?). He is wearing a dark red sweatshirt, jeans, and dark leather boots.

"Better?" he asks. He takes my breath away in the most platonic way and I just nod. I focus on the record I forgot about a few seconds ago. I hold it up to show him.

"Elvis?" he shrugs and smiles a little.  
I laugh a little.

"Elvis. I can dig Elvis."


	6. Chapter 6

Castiel's POV

We all head back to the Impala and Dean drives us to their place. I have this new found respect for him and his brother for not acting like dick bags. I expected it from Dean since he is already acting like that at school and I felt ashamed for thinking so low of Sam because he is the complete opposite of his brother. I was also surprised that Dean didn't start making fun of my room or that he decided to hang out with me instead of Sam and Gabriel. He also have a few of the same interests that I have and that somehow brought me closer to him as well. Stubbornly, I ignore the fact that I'm warming up to him because he's supposed to be an asshole so he should stay an asshole and not fuck up my feelings and change the way I think of him. But then again I can tolerate the fact that he acting more like a human being.

We arrive at their house and it is much smaller than ours and it was expected because their uncle probably wasn't part of a cult or something that would have enough money to practically swim in. They give Gabriel and I an uneasy look, like we would harshly judge them on the size of their house. Which is understandable considering how our house shows off how much money we have, even though it technically isn't our money and we have no idea how we got it.

Dean leads us to the front door, key in hand. When we get in, I'm attacked with this sweet smell. Pie? To the left I see a woman with wavy blonde hair in the kitchen taking out a pie. And it's homemade oh my god. She gives us a warm smile and hugs Sam and Dean. "Who's this?" she asks.

"My names Gabriel and this is my brother Cassie." My eyes widen at the girly nickname Gabriel calls me and elbow him. They all see this and collectively laugh.

"My name's Castiel, Mrs. Winchester" I hold out my hand and she takes it but pulls me in for a hug. I freeze up for a little bit, not exactly familiar with hugging but I catch on and hug her back. She then hugs Gabriel and we have the pie that is making me practically drool. We barely have anything homemade and that's why this pecan pie looks like the last lifeboat on the Titanic.

After we have the pie, Gabriel brings Sam up to his room talking something about Star Trek. I start washing my dishes because that's kind of what I do but Mrs. Winchester stops me and gets me to dry off my hands. I thank her before getting my arm pulled by Dean. "I want to show you my room." he is still tugging on my wrist which makes it feel like my cuts are opening up and I feel a wave of nausea come over me. I stop half-way up the stairs to take a deep breath to keep myself from throwing up. Dean turns around and looks at me, worry in his eyes. "Are you okay?" he asks. He lets go of my wrist and rests both hands on my shoulders. I give him a thumbs-up before returning my hands to my thighs, which also have cuts but they are old and don't hurt anymore. I take deep breaths and it feels like fresh blood is trailing down my arm and nearing my wrist. I ignore it and try to find a bathroom. Dean disappeared out of nowhere so I race to the bathroom and shove my sleeve up. Thank god I wore a red shirt. Blood was smeared all over the shirt and my arm. I roll up a wad of toilet paper and soak it with cold water. I manage to clean it all and flush the toilet paper down the toilet in a matter of minutes which is just in time considering Dean knocked on the door, calling my name. "Hey Castiel, you okay?" I pull down my sleeve and splash water on my face to stop the feeling of wanting to vomit. Opening the door, I see Dean and he's holding out a glass of water. I gratefully take it after mumbling a quick thank you. I guzzle it down and hand him the empty glass. He doesn't give me any weird looks which is great because there is no way that I will be able to explain anything.

He shows me his room which about a quarter of my room in size. It's much cozier though, something that my room and even our entire house lacks. He had a four wall room, his bed which what the complete opposite of mine. There was color. The sheets and blankets and pillows were all dark colors of green likes his eyes. There was a simple desk on the far wall in front of us and a window just above it. "Sorry it isn't that much compared to yours," he says, rubbing the back of his neck. I shake my head.

"I love it." I say, admiring a photo on his desk. It had their whole family and they had enough happiness in just one photo to out match ours. I felt envious of how close Sam and Dean were. Sure, how family got along well. But it was like we were all roommates or something. We weren't close. We just acknowledged each other's existence and went along without lies. The only one I've actually been close to was Gabe and that is pretty much it. I sit on his bed and lie on my back. The blankets are so inviting I felt like falling asleep and just skipping the movie we were supposed to have Charlie and the rest of them. I might have accidentally dozed off but I doubt Dean minded because he lay down as well.

It felt like two seconds before an obnoxious ringing came from my phone. I look at it and I see that it Charlie. How did she even get my number? How did I even have her as a contact?? I answer it anyway and she starts yelling at me to get our asses over here. I sigh, "Yeah, yeah we'll be there as soon as we can." Wait. How did she know I was coming with Dean? But then I remember the huddling they did or whatever at lunch and I dismiss it. I check the time and notice that it was definitely not two seconds but more like two hours. We are only a few minutes late so that's a plus. I look over at Dean and it hits me that we kinda of slept together. It's not like there is anything in between us so it shouldn't even be as awkward as it would be if there was something. I gulp and shake him awake. "Dean, we need to go to the movie." He mumbled something about five more minutes and went back to sleep. I huffed and decided to get things over with. I pushed him over on his back and push my arm on his chest to keep him from moving. "Five minutes are up," I whisper in his ear. He jerks awake which makes sense since that was totally out of character but then he grabs onto my hips and flips me over and apparently he didn't know who I was for about three seconds because his eyes were cold and cautious and murderous. Like a hunter.

His eyes soften and I notice that they widen for a nanosecond when he realizes how close we are. He lets go of my hips and I sit up. "We're late for the movie." I say. He glances at the clock and he manages to fix his hair, grab his keys and wash up all together in a matter of minutes.

"Let's go." He says and I trail behind him. We get into the Impala and it is filled with so much tension that I couldn't cut it with knife. It didn't make sense. We just slept in the same bed and just kinda rolled around in bed. Before going on a date? Okay so maybe there might be reasons. I'm so focused on this that I don't notice that Dean is talking. "Castiel?" I look up at him in confusion.

"What?" he chuckles and that just makes me more confused.

"I wanted to know if you had a ride to get home." I nodded, turning away from him.

Dean's POV

"So, Castiel, I just wanted to know if you would like to hang out sometime. Like just the two of us." I hated this. This dare. But I couldn't give up my reputation and everything I worked so hard for.

"What?" he says, I take this opportunity to give myself more time.

"I wanted to know if you had a ride to get home." he nods and looks away. God, he is so anti-social how the hell can I do this??

We quickly park and find Charlie and them outside of the theater, who is, to say the least, very pissed.

"What the hell were you guys doing?!"

We both just stand there, thinking of a viable lie.

"Car trouble."

"Traffic."

"Y-yeah, we had car trouble and that um that caused traffic." I say. Everyone looks unconvinced, obviously.

We all walk in and grab our seats. Charlie and Glinda sit together, Benny and Kevin sit together which leaves us. I decide to get this dare over with so I take Castiel away from the rest of the group and we find seats at the very back in the corner.

Throughout the movie, I attempt to make the slightest progress in asking him out but it never works out. I finally build up the courage and the movie is almost ending so I just blurt it out. "Would you like to go out sometime? Like just us?" Why am I so nervous? It's not like any of this is real. He gives me this look of shock. Like he doesn't believe that someone would want to go out with him. Which makes no sense. He is absolutely gorgeous. I mean, like in a friendly way of course. Except not in a friendly way if he says yes. And he probably will.

"No." Damn. What just happened?

"Umm w-what?" Okay so he's playing how to get or what?

"You heard me. I know what you are, Dean Winchester and I'm not going to be part of your little game, got it?" I just look at him, stunned that this is how people view me. Castiel: 1 Dean's Ego: 0.

"Come on, can't you give me a chance? Just one date, and you can decide from there." I give him the best puppy dog look at it barely works. Damn, I need to get lessons from Sam.

"Fine. One chance Winchester. Don't screw it up." He then gets up and walks out of the theater. Leaving me wanting to see more of this new display of self-confidence he has, which is an amazing look on him.

I then realize I have a date with him and I kind of need his number to actually contact him about the date. I race out the doors and find him. "Your number?" He punches the numbers in my phone and hands it back. "One chance." he repeats to me before getting into a sleek black car, Marv in the driver's seat.

I feel giddy just because I was starting to crack Castiel and that he was actually doing this. But then I remember that this wasn't for me. It was for Alastair and Crowley and Gordon. And I have a girlfriend. Not at the moment because of the dare but still. I will not ruin my life because of some kid. I'm not falling for him. It's just a heat of the moment type of thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you enjoyed this chapter because the next is going to be...different. Feel free to comment any ideas or just to get me to brush up on details and such. Don't forget to leave Kudos!


	7. Chapter 7

Dean's POV

I was standing outside of the Novak's house, picking up Castiel for our first date. I must've rang the doorbell a million times and I still pressed the button again. There was so much racket going on inside so there is definitely someone home. Unless there was a robbery and I'm here ringing that damn bell.

Eventually, Gabriel opened one of the doors and for a second, I thought he gave me this sad look before brightening up. "Hiya Deano! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I'm here for Cas. He home?" I ask as Gabriel lets me in.

"Cassie! Your boyfriend is here!" Gabe yells from the bottom of the staircase closest to Cas's room. Castiel pokes his head out of the door and looks at me.

"Oh, Dean. Hi. Hang on. I'll be right down." He says before disappearing back into his room.

I walk around the foyer, looking at the art that hung on the walls. It didn't take me long to find a connection with the paintings. They were all of angels. Portraits actually. Of all the names of angels that were living in this house in fact. I came across Castiel's and it took my breath away. There he was, trench coat clad and all, his eyes this glowing blue. Angel grace? Behind him, there were these huge ink colored wings. In the background, were symbols scrawled in black, white, and red. He seemed to be in some kind of barn. Why the hell would he be in a barn? Suddenly, a pounding headache swept over me and something like a scene from a movie flashed before me. He spread his wings, the sound of thunder vibrated through me. I blinked and then I found myself back in the Novak's. But I still heard something from the very back of my mind. I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition. Okay, that wasn't at all weird. I've just been playing way too many games. Games that I have never played or even heard of. Yep. Or reading books. Or cooking. Or something. Because that was not normal. My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone coming down the stairs. Cas. In his damn trench coat. I ignore the nagging feeling and smile at him. "You look amazing." It was weird. Trying to distract myself from Castiel by focusing on Castiel. We get to Baby and I look at Cas. "So, where to?" I ask.

"I can't exactly tell you where. But I want to show you something." Cas broke his eye contact and stared out the window.

"Oh. Please don't tell me you're an ax murderer or something. Cuz that would be awkward." I say, trying to lighten the mood. Unless he was an ax murderer then it would be awkward.

Cas breaks into a small smile but it was a smile nonetheless. "Just drive Dean." He hands me a small piece of paper. There was an address scrawled on it. I knew where we were going immediately. When you have a car, it's hard to not go exploring. I know the town like the back of my hand. But why would he want to go to a tiny house that's been abandoned for years? I look at him questioningly but he turns away. Okay, so he's taking me to an abandoned house. Please don't be an ax murderer.

We arrive at the house and Castiel just sits there. Still staring out the window. But this time there was actually something worth staring at. It looked like a simple two story house, but again, it looked like it hasn't been lived in for years. Cas open the door and walked up the weathered pathway to the front door. Following him, I'm wracking my brain, trying to find anything about the house but I come up with nothing. The sides of the walls are battered up from hail damage and pretty much anything that came its way here. Why would Cas want to come anywhere near this place? He has a perfectly good mansion in an even more perfectly good neighborhood. We get to the door and Castiel takes out a key from a pocket of his trench coat. He unlocks it and the door opens with a whine. Why does this seem like the beginning of a horror movie?

Maybe it is.

And you're going to be the first victim.

Shut the hell up, Brain.

I look over Cas's shoulder and the inside is actually nothing like I expected it to be. The walls were a spotless white and the hardwood floors were just as clean. I expected blown out light bulbs but I got perfectly working light fixtures that were more than able to light up the place. To the right of me was a small living room that was furnished with a chair at the far left corner of the room, a couch, a portable TV that sat on the floor against the far wall and a round coffee table in the center, standing in between the couch and TV. Castiel walked straight ahead into a hallway which lead into a kitchen. He turned on the tap and filled up a kettle he must've gotten from one of the cupboards, which also look as new as the furniture in the living room. And everything else in this house. "Is tea okay with you?" He asks, not facing me. I'm still distracted on what the hell this place was so I just mutter in agreement before turning around to look at everything. Cas moves to another cupboard and takes out two grey mugs. He rips open two tea bag packets and puts one in each mug. After, he sets the kettle on the stove and Castiel beckons me to sit with him at the dining table. I sit on the chair across from him. Cas seems nervous so I don't ask about why he brought us here or what this place even is. We just sit there. He looks cagey, like he wants to run away from here and as far from here as possible. So, I rest my hand on his shoulder and try to find the words for whatever this situation fits under.

"Cas. Y'know, I'm not going to pressure you into telling me what this is. Or where we are, okay? We can just sit here and-" I cock my head towards the kettle. "Drink tea or whatever you want." I smile at him and he gives me a weak smile back. He shakes his head.

"No, I'm good. It's just hard to talk about it." He shifts in his seat. I move out of mine and choose the one closer to him. "This house, used to be mine." He starts off. "We used to live in it when my parents were still alive." He pauses there for a second and I can tell he is fighting tears. I reach over to him and hug him, then rest my forehead on his.

"I'm so sorry Cas." I say, staring at his shining eyes. We slowly move closer, our lips almost touching.

But then the scream of the kettle startles us and we practically jump two feet away from each other. As if we were getting caught even though there was no one there but us. Castiel stands up and lifts the kettle off the stove, turns it off and pours the hot liquid into the two mugs. "Honey?" He asks and I nod even though I have never had a cup of tea in my life. But Cas seems to know what he's doing so I just go with it. He hands me one and we decide to move to the living room. We both curl up on either side of the couch and tentatively sip our scalding tea for a while, knowing all well that our burnt tongues aren't half as bad as the pain as the story behind this house is. Even if I don't know anything about it was easy to pick up on considering Cas wasn't exactly hiding how he felt about it. As the tea cools down a bit, I allow myself more and even though I always thought tea was for girls and old people, it is actually soothing.

I relax, and I feel the tension in my shoulders slip and away. I rest my legs on top of Cas's and look at him, giving a silent sign to continue. He takes a sip from his cup and rests it on his lap. "We still had the money. But my parents were never into the rich life. So they settled here," Castiel says, gesturing to the house. His eyes glazed over, sort of like he was trying to remember something. He looked down, smiling to himself. "It was good. We were- we were good." He takes another sip of tea before starting again. "Until that night."

Cas's eyes water a little bit and I take the cup away from him and set both of ours on the coffee table in front of us. I get him to lie with me on the couch, and before I know it we're spooning. I hug his torso with one arm and play with his hair with the other, breathing in the scent of him. "We were sleeping when they came in. I- I still don't know who these people were but it was easy to figure out why we were targeted. My family, we are- I mean were Christian and this neighborhood didn't exactly accept our beliefs. They thought it was childish to think that we would pray for god to help us with our problems and to give us salvation for our sins. And now, I kind of agree with them." He takes another shuddering breath and I have no doubt that he is crying right now. I hold him closer and he continues. "I don't know what those sick bastards were on but they thought that it would be funny or ironic or something to-" He takes my hand and squeezes it. "To kill them and have angel wings burned into the floor on either side of their bodies." He voice wavered at the end and if I wasn't so close to him, I wouldn't have picked up those last words. "They are still there. The wings. I couldn't remove the floor boards or the floor might collapse in on itself." He turns to face me.

"I tried to fix everything else, everything was starting to rot away and I tried to save as much as I could. The basement was a lost cause so I just boarded up the doorway and I just don't go there anymore. I managed to fix everything else with the money that I got from work and when I met Charlie, she was able to hack into my Uncle Zachariah's account to pay for most of the things that I restored. It didn't feel right to just get rid of the house or sell it. Besides, if this did get sold, we wouldn't get the money, Zach would and he would be more than willing to keep the money for his nefarious needs. He keeps trying to get it sold but the fact that people died in here sort of scare people away. For the Christian thing, times have change, of course, but the oldies still think that way so I'm pretty much safe. I just hope he forgets it sooner than later. He knows how much this means to me and I'm just waiting for the day he sells the house are does something to get rid of it." He pulls out my embrace and stands up, his hand held out for me to take it. I take it and he leads me upstairs.

"Hey Cas, are you sure?" I ask. He turns around and his cheeks are stained with tears new and old.

"You know, this is the first time I've been in this room. I doubt I'm sure of anything anymore." I pull him into a hug.

"Then let's do this together."


	8. Chapter 8

Dean’s POV  
Cas’s hand went to the dusty door knob, turned it and pushed it open. The door gave way with a little difficulty and groaned as it moved. The entire room was caked with dust and the sun filtering through the cracked windows shone on more dust in the air. We stepped in and the floorboards creaked beneath us. Other than the dust and the fact that it hadn’t been used in years, the room was actually quite normal. A bed in the center, just enough for two, a dresser at the left side of the room, a closet just to the right of it, and a bathroom on the opposite side of the dresser and closet. “I only came up to this room once. It was to hide the burn marks on the floor.” Castiel pointed at the rug beside the bed. Castiel walked to the side of the rug and peeled it away from the floor, revealing two sets of wing-like scorch marks. Since the rug was covering that section all these years, it was still sharp and bold, staring us in the face. I heard Cas’s breath hitch, and he scrambled to cover it up again, like he was sealing the gates of hell or something. He shook his head violently. “I-I can’t. I can’t do this.” He stuttered. He curled into a ball on the floor, no doubt crying for sure this time. I rush over to him and pull him into my embrace. He’s still sobbing but leans into me, clinging onto my shirt. He’s still repeating the words, Ican’tIcan’tIcantIcant. I shush him, lie him down on my lap and run my fingers through his hair again.   
“You’re so brave. So so brave for doing this okay? And I know that you can do this again.” I so quietly to him. But he shakes his head when I mention the part about doing this again and he begins to pull away so I pull him in tighter. “I know, I know, you don’t have to come here again but just know that I’ll always be there for you okay?” He nods and turns over so he is facing me. His eyes are brighter and his cheeks are pink and tear stained. But he is still so beautiful.   
“I lo-“ ve you?  
He stops.  
“It’s okay.” I say.  
***  
We don’t talk about that day. It was sort of an unwritten rule between us. But it certainly brought us closer. Close enough for Castiel to allow us to have our fifth date at his house. Which seems like a pretty big deal considering he was fidgeting the whole time he brought it up.  
I ring the doorbell at the Novak’s and Castiel opens it, giving me the most nervous smile ever and for some reason it’s the most endearing nervous smile I’ve ever received. I grin back at him and he lets me in. “So, what’s for dinner?”   
To be honest, I still don’t know what is for dinner. Even if we’ve been through half the food already. It’s all in different languages and Gabriel and Sam are in the kitchen arguing about some weird ass utensil and how it was ‘not meant to be abused in such a way’. And I certainly did not want to know how they were abusing a turkey baster.   
There were platters full of just cheese and plates and plates of food and waiters and waitresses that came to fill our drinks. I got to meet every member of the household, Michael and Lucifer, both smart and working in anything that had to do with law or crime fighting, Uriel, like Raphael, quiet and snippy when spoken too. Those two eventually ran off to their rooms about half an hour into dinner but I didn’t mind that much. I was also supposed to meet Castiel’s older sister, Anna, but she couldn’t make it in time.   
We finished dinner and everyone left to their rooms, Sam going with Gabriel to do whatever the hell they do. Everyone is gone, well, except Cas. He immediately started to clean up the dishes and marched into the sink. I noticed that there were still waiters around, doing the same thing. So why would Castiel want to do this when someone already does this? And it’s as if he read my mind, he answered. “I feel guilty. No matter how much we pay them, I still feel guilty.” Cas lets out a little laugh. “I tip the damn river even though we pay him so much already.” He puts them in the counter near the sink and goes to the dining room to get more. I follow him and grab a stack of plates. We do this back and forth in a comfortable silence until the entire table is cleared and we go back to the sink and start to wash the dishes, knowing that whenever the workers are trying to insist to Castiel that they can handle this job, he refuses and literally threatens them to give them a raise if they don’t back off. All the staff seem to be gifted with the ability to have pride to not take that challenge to not bug him more so they will get a raise anyway.   
We’ve just about finished and I actually feel good about doing this and for some reason I think about Cas doing the dishes at our house in the future, my hands around his waist just like I am right now, burying my face into his neck, practically getting drunk on the scent of Cas.   
I get snapped out of day dream when the front doors slam shut. We both look at each other confused but suspect that it must be Anna. So Castiel rushes to the foyer with a big grin on his. Which instantly falls when he sees who it is. I’ve never met the man, but Castiel seems so spooked. Who is this guy? “Uncle Zachariah.” He says.   
The aged and bald man, saunters over to Castiel, most definitely drunk off his ass. His eyes shift over to me. “So, this the guy you’ve turned into a faggot?” Castiel flinches at the slur and it’s weird, since he’s always been called that but for some reason when it comes out of this douche bag’s mouth, it means something to be afraid of. “Huh?!” He yells and grabs Cas from the collar. Cas gasps and looks at me and then at the door. He wants me to leave. He wants me to leave him. Not to get into this mess. And, well, I know myself pretty well and that will not happen. “Why do you have to be such a disappointment??”   
I lunge over to them and break his hold on Cas. Cas collapses on me, fear still evident in his eyes. “Fine, go with your little boy toy. But don’t you dare come back to this house.” Zachariah snarls. He drags himself to the stairs and when he reaches the top, he turns around and says something even worse. “And if you’re thinking of going to that hell hole your parents lived in, think again. Because if you going anywhere near there, I will burn that fucking house down.” He looks then looks at me. “I wouldn’t blame you, y’know, to not want him. No one wants to play with broken toys.”  
Dean's POV  
I stand there in shock. Why didn't Cas tell me about this?? I'm still clutching him but before I can even tell him anything, he pushes me away and bolts upstairs to his room. He's quite daring, seeing as how Zachariah kicked him out. I run after him but first, I open the front doors and slam them shut again, pretending like we left. I run upstairs and lightly knock on his door before going in. "Cas?" I say quietly. But he is nowhere to be seen. How the hell he disappear? His room is big but not that big. I notice that the door to the balcony is open and when I go out there, there is a makeshift rope made out bed sheets. So he's done this before. I look around and find someone running with a dufflebag into the empty streets. I quickly climb down the sheets and jump down the remaining few feet. Taking off sprinting, I follow after him, calling his name.  
Our feet pound on the pavement, echoing in the seemingly empty neighborhood.  
Castiel's POV  
I frantically find an escape from Dean. He was a jock, and jocks are popular. Meaning they target everyone to keep themselves on the top. I didn't care how much he cared for me. He was acting. Because no cares about me. He already had so much gossip worthy info on me. I can't let him have that and have break down in front of him. The dating thing will be easy. Hey, Cas, I'm breaking up with you. Have a good life! I could practically hear the words. It's not like he hasn't done it before. I find an alley and I know what people tell you. Don't go into the alley unless you're looking for trouble. Well, trouble is right behind me so that saying renders completely useless. "Cas, please stop running!" Dean exclaims behind me. He's only a couple feet away. Dammit. I run out into the road, thankfully, no cars. I weave my way in and out of alleys and for awhile, the foot steps get fainter and fainter. Stopping, I take out a water bottle. I knew this day would come, so I had a few changes of clothes, a small sleeping bag, a jacket but I was wearing it right now, all my savings, phone, phone charger, and earphones obviously, a few granola bars, and a water bottle. I find a park and sleep under the tree that offered the most protection. Rolling out my sleeping bag, I made a makeshift pillow with my jacket and passed out.  
Dean's POV  
I lost him. Dammit I lost him. How could I lose him? It's not like he flew away. I walk back to the Novak's house to get my car. I left my keys and wallet in Cas's room so I climb up the rope and quickly grab my things. Getting in Baby, I look for him, driving along the same place we were running. It's about 2 in the morning and the fact that Cas could be dead for all I know is the only thing keeping me alert right now. God, why do I care about him so much? It's not like he means anything to me. You're straight Dean! I think to myself, trying to give my brain a pep talk on my sexuality. Straight straight straight- I'm interrupted when I pass by a park and spot someone sleeping at the base of a tree. Maybe they saw him. Obviously they would've seen him. Like, look at him. He's so so.. -I physically shake my head. You can't get me gay thoughts. I think to myself. They're face is covered my a jacket and they seem to be sleeping. I nudge the person awake, and I notice they also have a dufflebag. It was dark so I'm not sure if it's the same one but when the person sat up, the jacket fell off. Cas. Well, there's no point in asking Cas if he's seen Cas. He stares at me, eyes widen, his midnight hair sticking up, making him look so freaking- not adorable. "Dean, what are you doing here." I give him a look.  
"Oh you know, hunting demons. What do you think?"  
"Why are you here Dean." He begins, packing up the sleeping bag.  
"I was looking for you!" He looks at me like he needs more information. "You ran away from me. I kind of wanted to know why and if you're alive."  
"Well, I did just get kicked out and I'm alive so yeah" He responds back. I huff in frustration. He's still not trusting me.  
"That's it. I'm done."  
Castiel's POV  
Well that stung. No matter how much I try to prep myself for those words, they still hurt. Even if I'm the one that pushed him into saying it. I smile because I was right. This whole caring thing is over. But my eyes water a little bit because the days with Dean were the best days I've had in my entire life.  
"Okay." I say quietly.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean's POV

"Okay." Cas says. I leave him there and walk to my Baby. I clear up some space in the passengers seat and the back seat, discarding all of Sam's books in the trunk and along with my football gear. I'm done. He is going to tell me what he actually feels whether he likes it or not. I stop and think for a minute. _God, this must be what I act like._ I then pick up the dufflebag and set it in the backseat. Cas looks at me, his eyes are watering. Oh god, what did I do?What did I say? I bring him up from the ground. "Dean, what are you doing?" He asks, shivering.

"You're coming with me. I'm done with you not trusting me and acting like everything is okay." I lead him to the passengers seat and open the door for him. He reluctantly gets in, sighing. I get in on the other side and face him. The Impala is parked to the side so we can have the very first chick-flick moment in my history of existing. "Talk to me."

"Why are you so good to me?" He doesn't look at me. In fact, it's like god commanded it.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're the only one that has been nice to me, Charlie and Benny, and Kevin are great, but they were your friends first. But before, no one, not even you. So why, Dean Winchester, why now?" I was panicking, To put it lightly. I didn't know how to explain it without bringing up the dare. So I just made it half true.

"I didn't notice you. I knew you were being bullied, a-and I guess it just wasn't my problem. But at the party, we crashed into each other and I guess that was when I really noticed you. Hell, you made me break up with my girlfriend just from your looks. So I just got interested- the mysterious Castiel Novak."

He looks at me and I can tell he's blushing, even in the dim light. "Thank you Dean, for being honest with me." And that felt like he stabbed me in the gut. Honest. One of the words you _don't_ use when describing me. I smile and that hurt even more because he smiled back which was god damn rare as hell.

"Cas?" I ask.

"Yes Dean?" He replies.

"I know we're not exactly that far in our relationship, but you want to stay at my house?"

"Dean-" I cut him off.

"Oh, and I'm not letting my boyfriend freeze to death outside so you have no choice." He stares at me, eyes widened.

"B-boyfriend?" I stare back him. Oh. I said that. I play it off cool, like I meant for that to come out.

"Y-yeah you're my boyfriend are you not?" So smooth, Winchester.

"Yeah." He looks down, blushing hard. God he looks so cute when he blushes. _Wait, what did I just say??_

************************************************

-Winchester House-

After explaining why I was out four hours pass curfew, convincing my parents to let Cas stay over, and the fact that he was just a friend, we headed off to my room. My parents aren't homophobic, it's just that I kinda wanted to sleep with Cas. In a totally non-gay way while pretending to be gay. As we walk to my room, Cas whispers into my ear. "Friends? Are your parents homophobic?" It's like he can read my thoughts are something. I shake my head, while trying to think of a valid answer.

"I haven't come out to my parents yet." I say. Like obviously I haven't. I'm straight as a board. Cas nods. I open the door to my room and he sets his bag on the ground and sits on the bed.

We take turns in the shower, Cas, being a stubborn little shit, wouldn't go first. I quickly shower and step out. I stand there, and stop. I'm missing something. And then i hits me. Crap, I forgot my clothes. Sighing, I wrap my waist with a towel and walk out, knowing that everyone else is asleep and won't be seeing me walk around half-naked. Cas is probably asleep so just slip in and out. I open the door and he is very much awake, on his phone. Okay, we always see each other like this in the locker rooms at school so what's the difference? I walk in, immediately looking for my clothes and Cas looks up, his eyes widening. "O-oh, I'm sorry D-Dean." Cas stutters.

I face him. "Dude, calm down, I just forgot my clothes." He is blushing again- hard, biting the bottom of his lip nervously. They're red and puffy now, and all I want to do to kiss him and kiss him and... _god dammit Dean!_ You're straight! I walk out, knowing that he caught me staring at his lips. I get in the bathroom and change quickly.

I finish and lean my arm on the sink. Staring at my reflection, I mutter to myself, "Wow I'm gay."

*************************************************

We drive to school, and apparently, Gabriel stayed over as well. They separate from us as soon as we get to school, so it's just Cas and I. We walk together for as long as we can until we have to split ways. I walk away from Cas after giving him a side hug because no one knows how much is too much. But Cas grabs my arm, stopping me. He's looking down like his boots are the answer to life's problems. "Umm, thank you Dean. For everything." He looks nervous.

"Cas what's wr-" I dont finish though. Because he surges up and kisses me. I'm shocked at first but kiss back and I hear everyone stop moving . We move back and Cas walks to his class, like nothing happened. So I'm left in the hallway, breathless. How did he even learn to kiss like that? I've have so many girlfriends and he beat the top five with just one kiss. Damn.

Someone taps me on the shoulder, and I turn around to see Crowley. Oh. The dare. "Well done Squirrel." I roll my eyes at the nickname as he beckons me to meet the rest of them. Lisa is there and looks relieved, since the dare is done. She kisses me and I kiss back but after Cas, I don't feel anything. She was #1 out of the top three. Thanks to Cas, there isn't even a number for her or anyone else. "So, what did you find out about the fag?" I didn't want to tell them. But Cas meant nothing to me. Nope, nothing. He was just this kid that happened to be a part of a dare. I can't trust him anyways. Yeah, he sleeps at my house in my room in my bed, but he won't break down my walls. "Well, he gets abused by his uncle, he got kicked out actually last night. Major trust issues. Probably depressed." I say, adding on fake information, since Cas was still really reserved. Gordon scoffed.

"He's definitely one of those wrist cutters."

"That's good. We can finally break him with this." Meg says.

"I call dibs first. For taking away my boo." Lisa pipes up. I hug her, hiding my face of disgust at the nickname.

"You go get him." I say, expecting her to just call him names. I hope I was right.

We split up as the bell rings.

Castiel's POV

Lunch came around fast. I guess it was just because I was flooded with euphoria. Kissing Dean made me crave more and I couldn't wait to see him at lunch. I'm at my locker putting my books away. I feel someone tap my shoulder. Dean. I smile and turn around. Okay, Lisa. I drop my smile. "What do you want, Lisa?" I ask. Okay, so Crowley's speech wasn't as strong as I had hoped. Lisa gave me a sickeningly sweet smile.

"Oh, I just came to tell you to back off."

I raise an eyebrow. "Dean? You know he broke up with you right? In case you didn't get the memo, he's with me now." It felt kind of good saying that. I finally have someone. The same smile tugged at my lips. Lisa's sweet smile twisted into a wicked grin.

"You know that was a dare right?" And that was when my smile practically wiped off my face. _Please don't tell me what I think it is_. "He doesn't love you honey. He just needed you to kiss him, and find all your secrets." Lisa laughed, like this was the funniest thing she ever heard. "And you thought he _wuved_ you" She added on, acting like she was talking to a child. _Damn. She told me what I thought it was_. But she could be lying right? Of course she would want to lie- y'know, break us up. So I slam the door of my locker and walk away, looking for Dean, Lisa's laughs still ringing in my ears.

I find Dean, outside on the bleachers. He looks up as I walk towards him. "Hey Cas." He says.

"Tell me it isn't true." I say, sitting next to him.

"What do you-" I cut him off.

"Dean, don't play dumb. Just, tell me it isn't true." My voice quieter. I guess I was afraid of the inevitable. It would make it too real. _He_ would make it too real.

Dean sighs and looks at me. "I can't, Cas. I'm sorry." I turn away from him, finding my shoes much more interesting. I smile bitterly.

"Okay. Well, thank you for being _honest_ , Dean." I stand up and start walking away, staving off my tears, threatening to spill. I hear footsteps.

"Cas, wait! Let me explain! Cas!"

I spin around on my heel, facing him. We are so close together, we are practically sharing air. I stare at him. Hurt, betrayal and most of all- hate, burning through my eyes.

"It's Castiel." 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okayyyy so I know that you guys really hate the Castiel and Balthazar thing going on right now. Or I would think that you do. But if you don't, then good for you!!!1!! Or something like that. Anyways, like my dad always said, this will all add up in good time. Hahaha just kidding he never said that. But it will. See you all in the next update

Dean's POV

"It's Castiel." He says, before walking away, fast and persistent. Okay, wow that felt like someone shot me in the heart, and hit me with a car. Then a piano. Every step he took away from me, made me hurt more and more. Because I knew this is when he walks out of my life forever. I knew where I stood. But for some reason it still hurt to see him go. I sat back down on the bleachers, going through my phone, pretending like I had something to do.

Alastair came up to me, grinning. "Guess who's throwing a party tonight?"

"You." I say, not looking up.

"Yep. And guess who is also going." I look at him. Now I'm interested.

"Who?" I ask.

"Castiel." He grinned wider.

"And I want that because..."

"Cas here thinks he is so high and mighty still. Maybe we should knock him down on his high horse." I fought the urge to punch him in the face. Cas is my name for him. But then I stop. Was. It was my name for him. I nod along to whatever he was saying, ignoring the stabbing feeling in my gut. I did the right thing, I protected myself. So why do I feel so horrible?

Castiel's POV

I was pissed, to say the least. I felt my walls building up- higher this time. See this is what happens when you let someone in. You're so god damn stupid for falling in love with... oh crap. I'm falling in love with Dean. But then something hits me. Was. I was falling in love with him. I walk faster and faster, as if that would somehow work. Like the distance would make me forget him. His calming voice, his soft lips, his beautiful laughter. My eyes tear up at the fact that I was so happy with him. And it was all fake. The only reason why I was the happiest I've been in such a long time was because someone told him to. You don't deserve anyone, Castiel. No one. I put my head down so no one can see the tears on my face, rushing to the bathroom. I weave through the walls of people, trying to not run into anyone. I almost make it- before colliding with someone just outside the bathroom door. I fall on the floor and I have the urge to just sit there and cry- but I can't. I hate people seeing me as weak and vulnerable. I wait for the expected, "Hey watch out fag!" or the "Eww! I got touched by a gay!" But that's the exact opposite.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry!" British- french-ish. (Okay so Sebastian is actually french but sounds British so like yeah. Okay carry on my wayward angels).Hm. They help me up and I look at them. Balthazar. "Cassie?" I smile a little bit at the nickname he and Gabe share. He pulls me into the bathroom and faces me. "What's wrong?" He asks. I shake my head.

"Nothing." I say. He puts his hands on my shoulders, which should make me feel uncomfortable since he's my ex but strangely, his touch relaxes me.

"C'mon Castiel, you're crying." I look at him in confusion, touching my face. I feel my tears, hot, trailing down my face.

"Sorry, I didn't notice." I say, stepping out of his reach- hating the fact that he knew me before my walls got up so high. Hating that he knew this weak side of me.

"Don't apologize. You've been strong enough. It's not illegal to be weak for once." I look away from him. Why is he being so nice to me? It's not like ex's actually become 'just friends'.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I blurt out. Balthazar smiled at my bluntness before talking. But I could tell he was nervous.

"Leaving you, was the biggest mistake I ever made. I know we won't be the same as what we had before, and this is absolutely the worse time to ask you out, so, I thought maybe we could start slow y'know?" I nod slowly, still trying to process the fact that the whole time after he broke up with me, all I wanted was for him to come running back, and here he is, doing just that. "So I was wondering if you would be up to going out, to a party." Before I can answer, he continues. " I know that sounds like a bad idea but-" I cut him off.

"When is it?" 

"Tonight."

"Perfect. Where is it? I'll meet you."

"Alastair's" My stomach knots up as I nod quickly. Obviously Balthazar didn't know about Alastair and what he does to me

"Okay, I'll meet you at seven." I turn away to walk out of the bathroom but at the last second, I spin around and hug Balthazar.

"Thanks Balth." I say, muffled in his shoulder. I step away from him and find him smiling. "What?" I ask. He shakes his head, still smiling.

"Nothing, it's just that you called me by my nickname." Oh. The nickname I gave him when we were together. I smile and mutter a quick good bye before I leave the bathroom, hearing his laugh echoing in my ears. Well that was strange. Not the running into your ex- quite literally. But the thing that was weird was that it wasn't weird. It was like talking to an old friend. Someone taps me on the shoulder. It was Balthazar again. "Hey, so I was wondering what class you have, y'know, so we could walk together."

"We both have chem right now." I say, slowing down so Balthazar could walk beside me.

"How did you know that?"

"I gave you a tour-"

"So you saw my schedule." He said, finishing my sentence. I nod. We walk into chemistry and take two of the seats in the middle. Normally I'd take the very back but it was taken by the jocks. I didn't even look at the them the whole time, and the fact that they didn't bother me like they normally did kind of concerned me. It was scary when they talked, but scarier when they didn't take at all. Which meant they were using their brains. Which is kind of scary. But they did end up wreaking havoc the moment the teacher started talking. So everything was back in order and all was right with the world again.

The teacher- who wanted to be called by her first name, Bela, immediately launched into the lesson, who ended up giving us projects to do since we wouldn't stop talking. "You know what? Since you guy love talking to each other, you can have fun talking to your friends about the final assignment due in two weeks. Write a ten page essay on Atomic and Molecular structure, include the quantum theory of atomic structure, Bohr's model of the atom, and do a timeline of the evolution of what people thought what the atom looked like. You get one partner on this highway to hell. Start now." She walked over to her desk, leaned back and pulled out her phone, ignoring the collective groan the class gave her.

"So Cassie do you want to be partners?" Balthazar turned to me.

"Yeah, but I'm really stupid so just giving you a heads up." I respond, getting a laugh back. I give him a questioning look. "What?"

"I'm guessing you already know everything she just told us, and you already have a 15 page essay on it, just for the fun of writing essays." I bit my lip nervously.

"So? It's not like it means anything. And it's 17 but who cares." He smiles warmly before talking.

"I do." And before things got too tense between us, he changed the subject. "Okay, well, I didn't read ahead like you so I have no idea what we're doing."

"Okay, well, just get both us textbooks and I'll help you out on what we have to know and research and stuff like that." He nods and kisses me on the cheek. I freeze but then relax. God damn French customs. I kiss him back on the cheek before he leaves to get our books. It gave me butterflies but I successfully failed to ignore them. What are you doing to me Balthazar?

Dean's POV

I was in Chem when Cas and one of the new guys walk in together. There were only a few seats left in the back. I saved one for Cas, kind of hoping he would sit there. But he doesn't give me a second glance- or even a first when he sits with the new kid. They're a seat in front of us but a bit off to the side so I conveniently get a good view of them. They don't talk much, but when they do, Cas smiles a lot. Dammit, what is he saying to Cas?? I feel something bubble up inside of me. I should be the one making Cas smile. I feel like going all Hobbit on him, taking Cas and whispering "My precious." But I suppressed that emotion because I have no right to do that. Not anymore. Because Cas isn't mine. God, why did I have to be so careless? I just gave away the person that made me feel like myself again.


	11. Chapter 11

Dean's POV  
I walk out of Chemistry, a little pissed to put it lightly. He kissed him!  
It was a kiss just on the cheek though. You kissed his lips.  
Shut up rational brain! It's still a kiss! What the hell. First Jo and now him too?? I think about ditching my next class but then I remember that Alastair wanted to talk to me about something and since learning about trigonometry is the only way he can create master plans. I sit down next to Al in the back, Crowley in front of me, and a bunch of their minions sat in the surrounding desks. The teacher was always late so everyone immediately started to freely talk amongst each other. Alastair turned to face me and Crowley spun around to look at the both of us. "So, how's the plan going?" Crowley asks.  
"It's already started." Al replied. He gestured to the guy in front of him. "Azazel here has little Balthazar wrapped around his finger." I look at them questioningly.  
"Who?"  
"Balthazar, the guy that was with Castiel in Chemistry. He was Castiel's ex." I nod. Dammit! He already beat me to Cas. Alastair continues.  
"So Azazel convinced Balthazar to take Castiel to my party. And that's how he'll be going to his own personal hell. You see the thing is, Castiel has this thing where he doesn't break in public."   
"We're going to crumble that wall of his." Crowley added on. "Fagstiel thinks the wall is going to protect him. But what happens when he is hammered as hell? I doubt he'll have any kind of verbal filter."  
" And then everyone will see how much of a screw up he is." Alastair says. They both look at me, expecting me to say something.  
"Good. Everyone will be able to see that he isn't that calm and collected." I say, practically saying the same thing Al said. They didn't notice- thank god.  
-Alastair's House-  
Castiel's POV  
God what the hell. Why am I even going to this party. It's a god damn den of iniquity. Not to mention the fact that Alastair is one of the people that bully me the most. But then I remember the obvious reason. "Balthazar is going to be there." I say quietly, like I was trying to convince myself of something. I stepped into Alastair's house, where the music vibrated through the walls.  
I tug nervously on my jacket, looking around for Balthazar. When I don't find him, I quickly plan to escape with a reasonably reasonable excuse. Turning around, I bump into someone. "You came!" exclaimed Balthazar. Oh okay. This is happening.  
"Where else would I be?" I answer with a smile. Probably trying to sneak into the Winchester's house cuz it's obvious I wouldn't be able to stay there anymore. We walk to the kitchen where the booze hopefully was. I always wondered where his parents were when he had held these kind of things. Probably handing packs of cigarettes or something like that. I think to myself. His house was pretty big, to be honest. But definitely not as big as mine. That put a sad smile on my face as I look around the kitchen. Used to be mine. There was a lot of people here. Just in the kitchen alone. Sweaty hot bodies jumped around to the beat of the music, and every few seconds there would be someone who bumped- more like crashed into me. I kept losing track of where Balthazar was but he quickly found me and grabbed on to my hand as we weaved our way to a table where all kinds of alcohol was put out for display. It was practically a liquor store. And I intend to drink said liquor store. There was punch, but it was obviously spiked with everything that people could get drunk on.  
"What do you want to drink?" Balthazar asked as he got us two plastic cups.  
"The punch." I say, ignoring the snickering Alastair and his followers were giving to us. I see Dean and for half a second, we make eye contact, which is already too much for me. I feel a twist in my stomach and anger bubbles up from me. There he is, hanging out with those assholes and there girlfriends practically hanging onto their every word. I can't believe how thoughtless I was to trust him. I feel make face get red from anger and I mutter a quick, "I need some air," to Balthazar before heading out the door, right pass his group.  
The cold air was refreshing, but I wanted something else. I wanted to forget him. At least for a little while. It wasn't the first time I've gotten drunk off my ass just to forget something, or someone, it's just the hangover that becomes a real bitch later on. I sigh and walk back inside. Before I get back to Balthazar, I notice he is talking to someone, Azazel Lehne, one of Alastair's new followers. The rest of Alastair's gang was by our drinks.It looked like they were spiking it. I squint at their backs. That's the best they can do? Get me so wasted I'll humiliate myself? Too predictable. "Well, I did want to get drunk tonight, so it looks like we'll both be getting what we want this evening." I say to myself, walking over to the table. Alastair's posse scurry off and Azazel ends his conversation with Balthazar, probably wanting my only known friend to see how much of a hot mess I am. Great. We meet up and toast before drinking. Balthazar takes a quick sip before bringing his drink down, figuring out that it was spiked.  
"Umm Cassie, there's alcohol in this.." He trails off when I don't put my cup down as well. Instead, I down the entire thing before bringing it on the table. My face feels hot, like last time, except for the fact that I'm not mad. I've a pretty good alcohol tolerance, but at least I've got somewhat of a buzz going. I grab a bottle of scotch and pour it into my cup, facing Alastair's group, every single one of them thoroughly confused about the fact that I wasn't making a fool out of myself already, or throwing up. I chug my scotch, the liquid burning my throat. This was going to be an interesting night.  
Dean's POV  
I stuck with Alastair, staring at Cas. He was with Balthazar again. I clench my jaw, ignoring the stabbing pain. Cas was drinking the punch we had spiked. Actually, he swallowed the whole damn thing. Why the hell isn't he acting, I don't know, less sober? In fact, he goes for more, except he doesn't go for the punch. Scotch I think? He downs a cup of that too. The he takes shots. Tequila.  
By now, he is really really hammered. Cas's knees look like they are going to buckle, and since the rest of the guys left in the beginning, thinking the prank or whatever was bust, I rush up and catch him before he falls. I don't even know why I did it. Balthazar is running to Castiel, a worried look on his face. I notice he has a wet towel in his hands. He presses it on Cas's forehead, who is still passed out in my arms. "Why don't you get your car to the front of the house?" I tell Balthazar. He nods and heads off.  
Cas is still unconscious while I hold him. I pick him up bridal style and walk to a place with less people around. I sit at the bottom of the stairs, Cas on my lap. I let myself admire him for awhile. Cheeks flushed, his raven hair more tousled than normal, eyes this brilliant blue, his lips plump and god damn so kissable. Wait. I flick my eyes from his lips and back to his eyes. Yep. Their open. And it hits me that I was staring at his lips. And he saw me.  
But before anything got even more awkward, Balthazar finds us. Cas scrambles off me and practically throws himself onto Balthazar. "Cas.." My voice fades out, not knowing what to say next. Cas pulls away, just to look at me. He looks straight at me, with a grin, but it's twisted and feels like he himself is stabbing me in the stomach. The next thing he does stops me from breathing. Cas launches back into Balthazar's embrace, kissing him wildly, tongue and everything. He presses them against a wall and begins kissing down his neck. I spin away quickly, feeling betrayed for some reason. Like he shouldn't be doing that with Balthazar. Walking away, I find Lisa, who was, conveniently alone at the moment. She spots me and smiles brightly. I pull her up from the couch she was sitting on and wrap my arms around her waist, kissing her deeply. We head upstairs to the room that I use whenever I sleepover at his house. I kiss her desperately, discarding my clothes and what little she had on in the first place. This is who I am. This is what I like. This is what I need. This is what I need, to forget. To forget Castiel Novak.


	12. Chapter 12

Dean's POV

I wake up, the sun in my eyes, and arms draped over me. Lisa stirred a little when I snuck out of bed. I quickly got dressed and headed out the door, needing some air to clear my head. And the fact that I parked far away from Al's house, not wanting Baby to get trashed. What the hell happened last night? Sleeping with Lisa wasn't a new thing, it was the Cas thing. In fact, everything Cas-related was very new. Okay, you know what happened last night. But why did it happen. Okay, you know the answer to that too. Because of that god damn dare. And now he has Balthazar. The memory of Cas kissing Balthazar flashed in my mind.

That could've been you. I run my fingers through my hair in frustration. Why did I have to care so much about what people think about me?? That's how I lost Cas, because of the reputation I wanted to keep. And a crappy one at that. Dean Winchester, the popular jock playboy. But there was more. Heart breaker. Horrible boyfriend. It's not exactly true. There just wasn't any spark. Between any girl, not really. But Cas, oh Cas. I practically melt just thinking about him and his too-blue-eyes. I remember the night he stayed at our house, he still looked amazing the morning after- I stop walking. His stuff is still there. Where will he even be? My heart sinks as I can't stop myself from thinking about him and Balthazar together. In bed. My head shakes vigorously, as if the image would go away like that. He's still living with us. I smile a little bit as I get into the Impala (because you can't just call it a car). But there's the off chance that he might just move in with him. I slam the door and drive off, speeding pass the limits, not caring if I get pulled over.

Castiel's POV

My eyes snap open as soon as sunlight hits my eyes. A throbbing headache takes place in my skull, causing me to screw my eyes shut for awhile. My head is resting on someone's arm and I freeze. We didn't right? God please tell me we didn't. I think to myself- but I knew it was pointless, if the soreness between my legs meant anything. I peel off the blankets and drag myself to the bathroom. It's been so long since I've been in Balthazar's house. It's not technically his but his parents have been absent for months at a time for as long as I've remembered. When I step into his bathroom, it's exactly as I remembered it. I hop into the shower and turn on the water. Shivering a little as the water sprays out cold for the first few seconds, I try to remember what happened last night.

Drinks, more drinks, darkness- probably passed out- okay, Balthazar? Dean?? I run my hands through my now soaked hair, pulling on it harshly. Why the hell was Dean holding me? Oh my god. I kissed Balthazar. What now? Are we like together now? I groan in exasperation. I focus on just showering and it doesn't work because it takes me about two seconds for me to break open Balth's razor and cut myself until it looked like a literal bloodbath. It felt good as usual, but I made them deeper. As if I wanted to wash it- something- out of my body. Like I didn't feel clean for some reason.

-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-

Balthazar and I walked to school, which actually made no sense since there was a perfectly good Mercedes in his garage, if I remember correctly. But I didn't complain, since the weather was quite nice outside. I dreaded the feeling of meeting or even seeing Dean today but I still had to go to school. I knew that if I missed a day, the school would call my house, which is now not my house and then Zachariah would have to act like he cared so then I would be hunted down and shoved back into that huge hell hole he calls a house. Since my mind was on the subject of being kicked out, I was currently staying at the Winchesters, well, now I'm not. I really didn't want to look at his face if I had I choice not to, so I need to find another place to stay. I look at Balthazar, just letting my mind wander a little. Maybe I could- nope. I look away from him and stare straight forward, not bothering to think about such a possibility.

We get to school and split off to our classes. Everything I had on me was from the day I left the Winchester's, so I still had all my school supplies, but the fact that I had to carry around with me everywhere was quite annoying. And I still had to get the remainder of my belongings unless Dean threw it away. Which would be just great.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


	13. Chapter 13

Dean's POV  
It's been a whole 24 hours since Cas and I have spoken. Skipping out on school probably would've been a factor in that though. This seems really weird but I miss him. Shocker, I know. There's this voice in my mind screaming at me to go after him. And for some odd reason I listen to it this time. I'm going to get back Castiel Novak. No matter what the cost.  
***  
-Last period-  
I sit in the back of the classroom, waiting for Cas show up. This was one of the classes we had together. I didn't look or even face him, knowing that if he saw me, he would chose to sit the farthest seat away from me in the class- since, you know, the seat on the other side of America was taken. He doesn't even know what I wore today so, conveniently, he sits right in front of the seat I'm in. The class starts and hopefully Cas doesn't find a way to switch seats with anyone within this period. The teacher assigned us an art project where we had to visually display what our names meant, where they came from, and we had to work with a partner to compare both our names. I grinned at the fact that I could work with someone else, giving me a chance with Cas. I tapped his shoulder, and tried to make my voice sound not- me. 

"Hey, Castiel, would you like to be partners for this assignment?" I ask as politely as I could manage. Cas doesn't turn around right away, and for that, I am grateful.

"Yeah, that would be okay." He responds. He grabs a couple sheets of lined paper and that's when he turns around. The smile that he had on vanished as if it was never there. I give him a smile and he returns it with a frown. 

"What are you doing, Dean." He says. I laugh lightly. God please don't say that. I clear my throat as a poor attempt to change the subject.

"So, where did your name come from?" I ask. The first time I actually want to do work.

"I'm named after an angel, Castiel, the angel of Thursday. Now, answer my question. What. Are. You. Doing." He looks at me with those bright blue eyes and I decide to tell him the truth.

"Look, it's just that... I wanted to know why you weren't staying at my house anymore and I thought it would be good if we still got along since you'll still be staying there because of, you know, right?" I chew the inside of my cheek. So much for telling the truth.  
Castiel squints a little and tilts his head in the most adorable way. But what he said wasn't exactly what I'd call adorable. 

"Why would I want to stay with you?" He says, his eyes blank and dull. He made it sound like I was the most undesirable being on planet Earth. And to him, I probably was.

"Um I don't know, you're uncle kind of.." I trail off, not exactly wanting to bring up that unpleasant memory. He nods, knowing what I'm getting at. Please just come home with me. I stop my train of thought. When did I get so desperate?  
He looked down. 

"Yeah, about that, my uh- boyfriend? yeah, he already asked me to stay with him." Cas glanced back up at me, biting his bottom lip. Don't stare don't stare don't stare don't stare don't stare don't stare DON'T stare. And I'm staring. He looks away from me and that's when I snap back to reality. I then realize what he just said. BOYFRIEND?! Fucking Balthazar. I take a deep breath and speak up to grab his attention.

"Y'know, you still have your stuff right? How about this, just come over to grab your things, at least." I give my best puppy- dog look. But it doesn't seem to win him over. Damn, I need to get lessons from Sam.  
After a few moments, he sighs and nods. 

"Fine." I can't help but break out into a huge grin and I happily start our project which is, again, a first.   
***  
The period ends quickly and I grab my bag then head to Cas's locker. He's there, all in his sex-haired glory. And same with his boyfriend. Who probably was the one who caused that sex-hair. Huh. Well, that was an ugly turn. Next stop, Jealousy Avenue. Damn right I was jealous. I wanted to be the one who caused his midnight hair to stick up like that. As I walk up to them, I hear Cas talking to Balthazar. "It's okay right? If I go over there to grab my things?" Cas says.

"Of course, love, just remember to call me if you ever need anything." I glare into the back of Balthazar's head. Why does he have to be so chill about this?? It would be so much better to hate him if he was over protective and a complete asshole. He kisses Castiel's forehead and walks away. I stand in front of Cas and he gives me a smile. Forced, but it's still a smile.

"Ready to go?" I ask. He shrugs on his bag and nods, shutting his locker door. We walk out to the student's parking lot, to Baby, Sam already waiting.  
Sam smiles at Cas. 

"Hi Castiel, it's good to see you." Cas smiles back, less guarded and I feel a little hurt. But it makes no sense.  
I unlock the doors and we get in. Sam obviously shotgun. That doesn't change. The car ride surprisingly wasn't filled with awkward silence as I'd thought.  
"Gabriel has been wondering about you." Sam turns around to face Cas. " I know you're avoiding him Castiel, but it's been hard on him."

"And you don't think it's been hard on me?" Cas says a little harshly.

Sam's tone is still calm, as if he were talking to a child. Even though Sam is younger than the both of us. "I'm not saying that it isn't. But you need to think about this from his perspective okay? His older brother just disappears and no one will tell him why. And even when you're in the same school as him- it's like he doesn't even exist to you. Castiel, he had to learn about it from me. Not his own brother. Don't you think that would hurt?" Oh my god. We're having this chick- flick moment right now? In my car?  
Castiel lets out a breath. 

" I- I just didn't want to disappoint him. Burden him with what, I, am."

"Gay?" Sam says. I choke a little with the fact that Sam can outright say that without being uncomfortable. Castiel gives a small nod. I feel the urge to face palm but it seems inappropriate right now.  
We pull in front of our house when Sam turns back around. "Just talk to him Castiel. He's your brother. He would understand."

"Okay." Cas says quietly. And even quieter- I hear a, "Um, thank you, Sam."

Sam grins at him. "No problem."


	14. Chapter 14

Castiel's POV

We get to the Winchester's quicker than I thought, which was a disappointment since I didn't exactly want to face John and Mary. Hey, remember me? Your son dumped me - oh could you pass the peas? Dean parks Baby in front of their house and we all get out.

As soon as we step in the doorway, Sam runs up to his room, leaving Dean and I alone. We stand there for an agonizing 30 seconds before Dean speaks up. "Wanna come up to my room?" He asks. "To y'know pack," he adds quickly. I nod and we head to his room. He opens the door and walks in, sitting on the bed. Dean clears his throat. "So, I- uh hung up all your clothes and the rest of your things are in a spare suitcase." I raise my eyebrows. Why did he hang up my clothes? He knows that this wouldn't last- right? Dean takes out the suitcase and zipped it open. Everything from my duffel was taken out arranged in the suitcase except for the food and water. "I hope it's okay, the way I packed some of your stuff." Dean says, rubbing the back of his neck. I nod again.

"It's good," I say, nodding again, as if it would convince him more and create less tension between us. I open his closet and a scent hits me. It smells like Dean. I fight the urge to take one of his flannels and bury my face in the scent of leather- probably from the impala and subtle cologne. I swallow and take out my clothes off the hangers, tossing them on top of the suitcase. Dean slides off the bed and begins folding them. Huh, didn't peg him for a neat freak. We arrange my belongings in the suitcase in strangely comfortable silence until Mary called us down to eat.

"Castiel, how has Dean been treating you? I hope he hasn't done too much damage." John joked. I clenched my jaw and out of the corner of my eye, I notice Dean go completely still. Sam gives me an amused look. I'm confused for a second before I realize. He didn't tell them. John and Mary were still looking at me expectantly. Like they really wanted to know. Dean's brought girls to meet his parents before right? I forced out a laugh. Smiling at them.

"Nope, not yet. I know that I can always trust him. Dean's so honest to me. There's no one I trust more." I smile sweetly at him and quickly turn away. It was a low blow but I couldn't help it. Broken hearts do that to people. God that sounded so cheesy what the hell.

"So, Castiel sweetie, are you planning to stay over tonight?" Mrs. Winchester asks. I shake my head.

"Actually, I'm going to be staying with a friend. Thank you though, Mr. and Mrs. Winchester for letting me stay this long." I knew I told Balthazar that I would be staying the night here, but I didn't know how hard it would be.

"Please, none of that formal crap, call me John." John says.

"Mary." Mary responded. "Are you sure you don't want to stay? I'm making pancakes in the morning, if that will sweeten the pot." She smiled.

"No, I'm good." I say. Or that's what I thought I said. Mary's eyes lit up and I knew I said something wrong. "I'll take the couch." I say, trying to fix the predicament I was in.

"Are you sure? I'm fine with you and Dean sleeping together, as long as Dean is fine with it." She sort of trails off, looking a Dean. Dean smiles and looks at me.

"I'd be okay with that." What the hell is he doing? I glare at him and he just grins back.

Sam imitated a gagging noise and we broke our eye contact. "I better not here anything." John says, standing up to put his dishes in the sink. He headed to his bedroom and shut the door.

The rest of the evening went along uneventful, we all broke off into our rooms, I am still packing up my stuff, except for another change of clothes and my toothbrush. While Dean was brushing his teeth, I search through my textbook, knowing I'll find a blade hidden in the spine of the book. Sliding it into my pocket, I turn around just as Dean comes in. I take my things and go in the bathroom. I strip and turn on the hot water. I step in and just soak in the heat. I quickly shampooed my hair and soaped down my body, ignoring the stinging on my thighs. It didn't take long for the bliss of the hot water to turn into self-hatred and frustration. The first swipe was and always will startle me, the burn unfamiliar at first. I dig my nails into my palm and drag the shiny blade across my pale skin. I dig it further and further into my flesh until there was no more room on both of my forearms. My thighs were already littered with cuts from Balthazar's house and I already reached what I wanted. I brought the temperature of the water to almost freezing. The water was cold enough to feel a slight burn on my skin. I sighed. I looked at my body, and wondered for a moment.

Why?

And that's what I carved into my leg, salty tears mixing with blood and water.

A/N- Sorry?


	15. Chapter 15

Castiel's POV

I walked- more like limped back to Dean's room. He was already asleep, breaths even and his back facing away from me. I settle in on the other side of the bed and pull the covers up right up to my chin. There are too many thoughts going through my mind and it's too much to think about how I'll deal with them. So I just lie there, focusing on my breathing.

In. Out. In. Out.

It doesn't help. Not much helps, actually. Except...

No. I completely stop myself and think about how I'll be going to Balth's tomorrow. I smile.

***

I sit in the backseat of the impala, fuming, to say the least. I insisted on walking but both Winchesters wouldn't have it. Dean threatened to carry me out and I guess that's when I reluctantly agreed.

We arrived at school and Sam ran out before Dean and I could even get a word out. Dean closed the door of Baby and walked over to me. "Let's go," he says. I raise an eyebrow at him and lead the way. Okay, this is seriously getting on my nervous, why is he being so nice to me? I go to his first period class and as we head to the hallway which led to that class, I spin around and glare at him.

"What's your deal, Dean?"

He looks confused for a second but recovers. "I just wanted.." he trails off. "To make amends." He finishes.

"And what about your friends, huh? Shouldn't be hanging around with a fag." I sneer at him. A fire starts in my core and I feel it getting larger and larger. "At the end of the day, I'm going to pick up my things from your house, but after that, don't you ever talk to me again." And with that, I walk away, right passed him.

"Cas, wait!" He grabs my shoulder and turns me around. "Look, I'm sorry. Okay?" he rambles on a bunch of other stuff but I'm not listening to him. Instead, I lunge forward and swing my fist at him. Big mistake. He catches my wrist and it's a light grasp but it feels like he is digging his nails into my skin. I jump and wince at the contact and pull away. Dean's eyes widen and look down at the arm cradling. He takes it again, firmly but gently. I try to pull it away but he looks at me and for some reason I relax. He pulls up my sleeves and I hear take a sharp breath. I look away from him and look at anything else. "Did I do this?" he asks softly. I look at him.

I try to not to make this less of a big deal than it's becoming. "Obviously you didn't," I say, rolling my eyes.

"You know what I mean, did I cause you to do this to yourself?"

Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. LIE DAMMIT. I look away again.

"Your silence is deafening, Cas."

I yank my arm away, noticing the sting quite well. I run to the washroom and rest my arms on the counter. Don't cry. Don't you dare cry. God don't cry. Please don't cry. Please please stop crying. I hear the door open and I quickly wipe my eyes, turning my head so whoever doesn't see me. "Cas..." Dean says and that's when I break down. I grab a bunch of paper towels and head to the back wall of the bathroom. I practically collapse on the floor in sobs and see a very blurry Dean Winchester rush over to me. I feel his solid form against me chest and try to push away. "You should get to class." I say, knowing that it probably sounding nothing like that when my stuttering and sobs are added to that. He holds me and I just cry into his shirt. It wasn't until my sobs quieted down when I heard him. He was just sort of muttering it. Whispering it into my ear.

"I'm so sorry Cas. I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry." Why does he looks so sad? He keeps repeating those words and I pull away from him. He lets me. I rest my forehead on his and it reminds me of the time we went to our old house. I look into his eyes and they are this bright green. We are so close again. Our lips are so close. Closer. Closer. And when our lips just lightly brush, I push away from as if I had been burned and shake my head vigorously.

"I-I can't. I can't Dean." I say, scrambling for the paper towels and toss them in the trash. I turn around and find him standing up and walking toward me. He looks even sadder. "I have to go." I say and run out of bathroom.


End file.
